Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
I wondered if I maybe more than liked Dane. If I maybe more than had a crush on him.
If I maybe lov— No. I couldn’t. Oh, and there was the fact that he wasn’t even my boyfriend.
“Are you okay?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, sorry. Just a bit of a headache coming on.” Which was a lie, but it did the trick. Thankfully, the one the night before hadn’t turned into a migraine and had gone away with Tylenol and Dane.
We finished our meal, and Dad didn’t offer to help Mom clean up or do the dishes. She declined when I did, so I sat in the living room with him and pretended to care about the game on TV. When Mom came out, and the game ended, they turned it to some TV show that looked entirely too old, and they laughed together as Mom rocked in her chair.
“I’m a bit tired,” I finally said. “I think I’ll go to bed.”
“Good night, sweetheart,” Mom told me. “It’s good to have you home.”
“I’ll wake you up in the morning so you can tend to the animals with me,” Dad added.
“Yes, sir,” I replied, when really, I wanted to stomp my feet and refuse. Maybe slightly Hailey-ish, but I didn’t care.
I was in my old bedroom, in my old bed, for hours, unable to sleep. There were still posters of basketball and football players on the walls and all sorts of shit they had wanted me to be into when I was a kid.
Eventually, I heard them go to bed, and I pulled out my cell. Without letting myself think about it, I called Dane.
“Hey, you,” he said.
“Wanna jerk off together?” I asked, because it was easier than saying anything else.
“How about we save that until you get home.” He chuckled, then sobered. “How’s it going?”
“Okay, I guess.” Which was true. They hadn’t given me a hard time about anything yet. We hadn’t had an argument. I hadn’t had to defend my eternal soul…but I still felt heavy. This melancholy deep in my bones.
“Did anything happen?”
“No. Just feeling weird, is all.”
“Oh.” We were quiet for a moment. Then Dane sucked in a deep breath and said, “Hailey misses you.”
I smiled in the dark. “I miss her too.”
“And, um…I miss you. Is that okay to admit?”
My heart thudded against my chest, and I felt like I was floating. “I miss you too.”
“It’s weird, isn’t it? A few months ago we weren’t friends, and we don’t even spend every day together, so how can I miss you when you just left today?”
I was hoping it was because he was madly in love with me, but obviously, I couldn’t say that. “I don’t know, but at least we’re in it together.”
“Yeah, we are.”
“I should go,” I said, even though I didn’t want to go.
“Okay…but hey, can I say something real quick?”
I frowned, wondering what it was. “Of course.”
“I just… I know you know who you are, and I know you’re confident in that, but I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful in makeup and without. If you want to wear it, you should. I think it makes you strong, ya know? You’re smart and funny and have a big heart. You’re great with kids, and you like to help people. You’re a good man, and that’s all that matters, and if someone makes you feel any differently, that’s on them, not you. So yeah…that’s all.”
Holy fuck. My eyes felt a little teary. I swiped the moisture away and settled into the fact that there was no maybe about it—I was so fucking in love with Dane. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
“I can tell you every day you’re there if you need it.”
Okay, so I had no idea when he’d turned into the sweetest man in the world, but he was. “Good night, Dane.”
“’Night, Jess.”
I woke up before my dad the next morning…and put on my makeup. It didn’t matter that I was working the farm that morning and it was the butt-crack of dawn, I was going to wear it, and I was going to wear it proudly.
“What is that?” he said when he saw me in the living room, and waved toward my face.
“This is me.” I shrugged.
Dad’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t say anything about it. We spent hours taking care of animals, milking cows, and collecting eggs. When we went inside, Mom was in the kitchen.
“It’s nice to have both my boys home,” she said, turning to me. “Oh…Jesse…”
“Your aunt, uncle, and cousins are coming over tonight. You’ll wash that stuff off your face before they get here.” Dad grabbed his coffee.
“No. No I won’t.” I mean, yeah, I would have to shower because I was sweaty and stank, but I was totally putting it back on.