Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
“Of course. And, Jesse? Let me know if—” But he had already hung up, which fucking stung. My breaths were coming in sharp as I sat there, numb, staring at my phone.
I ran a shaky hand through my hair, wondering what in the hell was going to happen next. Whether Jesse would make some heavy decisions because of this. Would he decide to move back home and help on the farm?
I didn’t want to be selfish and think that Jesse would change his mind about us; that was being ridiculous. He was in pain right now and needed space. I needed to give him space.
I stood up suddenly, shoved my feet into my sneakers, and pulled a sweatshirt over my head. When I got outside, I took off at a jogger’s pace. I hadn’t run in a few months, and my lungs were gonna scream at me soon enough, but it felt good to move my limbs.
My sneakers pounded the concrete, and my mind blanked out as the wind lashed at my cheeks. My skin began heating up, and I gasped out harsh breaths, but I kept going, increasing my pace as the world around me blurred blissfully.
I made it a few blocks at a hard run before I had to slow to a jog, and then I just…walked. And thought about everything. Me and Jess and his family and what he’d come to mean to me. And if I had to let him go to make his life less complicated right now, I’d do it.
Fuck. I doubled over and held on to the stitch in my side.
When I got home, Bree was in the kitchen, making dinner. I strode past her to get a glass from the cupboard, then downed water in front of the sink.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah…no.” I filled the glass with more water. “I don’t know.”
She replaced the lid on the pot and turned down the burner. “Is it Jesse?”
I leaned against the counter and caught my breath. “His dad had a heart attack. He’s in the hospital getting a bunch of tests, and I just feel sort of…”
She stared at me, waiting for me to finish, but I couldn’t seem to find the right words.
“Useless?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. She knew me so well.
“I’m so sorry.” She squeezed my shoulder. “Please send him our love. Do you want to take my car and go to him?”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t want me to. His parents don’t really…” I motioned with my hand, hoping she’d magically understand.
“Oh, I see. Yeah, guess that makes sense because of the way he said he was raised.” She stared off into the distance as if imagining one of their conversations. “Well, listen, you stay strong. He’s going to need you again soon enough. Give it time.”
“Yeah, okay.” I kissed her cheek and headed to the basement. “Thanks, sis.”
39
Jesse
I never thought about it before—the people who had to spend Christmas in the hospital. It made me sad that I’d never considered this; that as we ate ham and scalloped potatoes over the years, which was our holiday tradition, sick people in the hospital had never crossed my mind…that the people wondering if their loved ones would make it hadn’t been in my thoughts.
Dad would be okay. We knew that, but it was weird being there on Christmas Day, and I decided right then that I would…I didn’t know what yet, but I’d do something every holiday for people who were in the hospital. Maybe they had some kind of program I didn’t know about.
I’d come back to the farm to shower and grab a few things before heading back. My cousin Benji was there, helping take care of the animals while we were gone, but I’d made trips back and forth to help as well.
I felt refreshed and clean, but this weight of melancholy still hung heavily over my shoulders. Dad’s face as he clutched his chest never left my thoughts. The look of fear in his eyes as I held him, telling him it would be okay. The guilt about having pushed so damn hard instead of accepting that they were trying.
Why did I always have to push?
Sighing, I sat in my dad’s truck, in the hospital parking lot, and looked down at my phone. There was a single text from Dane waiting, that I hadn’t replied to yet.
Merry Christmas <3
It was stupid that I missed him so much when it had only been a few days, but I did. Still, every time I thought about him, I saw my dad fall to the ground and I thought about the fact that Dad was sick. He’d had a heart attack, and I had no idea what that meant for him going forward. I’d always vowed that my life wouldn’t be this town, that it would kill me to live there, but they were my family. If Mom and Dad needed me, what choice would I have?