Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
I dumbly nodded as though he could see me before sending a kissy-face emoji.
“How’s everything at the farm?” I forced myself to ask.
“It’s going. It’s been a bit of a rough year. Gettin’ hard to handle sometimes.”
Because of course he had to throw that in to make me feel guilty. Only, I didn’t think he did it on purpose. He just said it because it was true, and that was my dad. As long as it wasn’t emotional, he said what was on his mind.
I studied him for a moment and noticed how much older he looked…thinner. It hadn’t been too long since I’d seen him, but looking at him then, I was reminded that he definitely wasn’t a young guy, and running a farm must be really hard for him, even with the seasonal help he hired every spring.
“Benji would help. You know he loves that shit—stuff.” Benji was my cousin, my mom’s brother’s child, who was exactly what my parents thought of as the perfect son. He went to church every Sunday, and would one day marry a woman, and liked to work with his hands.
“Yep. Not the same, though,” Dad replied. “I just always thought it would go to my son.”
And that was the end of that. I leaned my head against the window and was quiet the rest of the way to the farm. The driveway was bumpier than it used to be, jolting me around until the big, white farmhouse came into view. Mom ran out the door, wearing a dress with an apron over it and a smile, her gray hair tied back in a bun. My parents hadn’t thought they could have kids. They hadn’t gotten pregnant with me until they were around forty, which put them in their sixties. They had always been older than the parents of most of the kids my age.
“Jesse!” Mom shouted when I got out of the truck.
“Go ’head. I’ll get your bag,” Dad told me.
Mom and I met in the middle, and she wrapped me in a tight hug. “Oh, I missed you,” she said, and the truth was, I missed her too. I missed both of them, which was sometimes weird to me since they made me feel insecure. But I guess it was the same as me knowing they loved me, even though they didn’t agree with who I was.
“I missed you too, Ma.”
“Let me look at you.” She stepped back and held my face, inspecting me. “You look tired. Are you getting enough sleep? It’s that bar you work in, I’m sure. Please tell me you’re not getting a drinking problem.”
“Jesus Christ, Ma. No.” I pulled back.
“Don’t speak like that,” Dad said tersely. “We don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.”
“Yes, sir,” I replied.
God, I missed Dane…and Hailey. And Dane. Frustratingly grumpy Dane.
Dad watched football while Mom finished Thanksgiving dinner. I offered to help, but boys didn’t belong in her kitchen. I flipped my cell phone over and over in my hand, thinking about texting Dane but not wanting to look too needy. My head was all over the place, and the last thing I needed was to be obsessing about him this weekend.
So even though I wanted to talk to him, I texted Seth instead. We went back and forth for a while over random stuff. Seth was good at keeping me talking when I was home by trying to take my mind off shit I couldn’t control.
Before I knew it, dinner was ready, and the three of us sat at the old farm table together. Dad said grace, and I bowed my head as I was supposed to, and then it was over. He carved the turkey, and of course it was delicious. Mom was the best cook. Her sweet-potato pie made me think about our meal at Dane’s yesterday.
“What’s that smile about?” Mom asked.
Oh shit. I hadn’t realized I’d been smiling. “Oh, um…you know I love your sweet-potato pie. I had another Thanksgiving yesterday with my friend and his family. I told them all about it, and I was just thinking about that.”
The room went quiet, and I figured they were wondering what kind of friend Dane was.
“That’s nice, dear,” Mom replied.
This foreign desire to tell them Dane was my boyfriend suddenly filled me. It came from nowhere, making me nearly choke on nothing but air. There had never been a time when I wanted to tell them about a guy, when I wished they could understand, but in that moment, I wanted them to. I wanted to tell them about Hailey and how good he was with her. I wanted to tell them how much fun we had with his niece and how she called me her best friend. I wanted to tell them that Dane made me laugh and feel good about myself, and that I liked talking to him and annoying the shit out of him, because nothing was as much fun as getting under Dane’s skin, and how I felt like I accomplished some great task every time I made him laugh, and…oh God. I was so fucked. Like extremely fucking fucked, and I knew that was a lot of fucks, but the situation called for it.