Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 64887 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 324(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64887 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 324(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Me: Oh, I’d never treat any woman disrespectfully. And, yes, you’ve deduced accurately I’m looking for a girlfriend. Obviously, I’d very much like to get laid by said girlfriend, frequently. But I’m a one-woman kind of guy.
Unknown: You’re so sweet and funny! And, yes, I never doubted you want to get laid. That’s to be expected for a young buck of 25. You’re in the thick of your sexual prime.
Me: God, I hope not, or else I’m wasting precious time. Since my break-up, my dating life has been more PainHub than PornHub.
Unknown: LOL. If you don’t mind me asking, who broke up with whom in your relationship? If your girlfriend broke up with you, did she tell you why? That would be helpful for me to know, seeing as how I’m now dispensing dating advice to you.
Me: I’m the one who broke up with her, but only AFTER finding out she’d been cheating on me for six months. So, in a way, she broke up with me first, without me realizing it.
Unknown: Ugh. Been there, done that. My ex-husband cheated on me, too, and for a lot longer than six months.
Me: Ugh. For how long?
Unknown: Four years that I know of. Probably a lot longer, but that’s as far back as our phone records went.
Me: Asshole! I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Unknown: Thanks. I was devastated when I found out, because I’d given my all to that marriage. But time and therapy have helped me realize he cheated because of his own fragile ego, not because of something I did or didn’t do. My ex is a text-book narcissist who needed the ego boost he got from fucking lots of women, many of them your age and younger (!). Plus, I think he got off on all the sneaking around. I’ve come to realize his cheating had very little to do with me, the same way your ex’s cheating almost certainly had very little to do with you.
Me: That’s helpful to hear. I was pretty devastated when I found out what she’d been doing. In my case, she only cheated with one guy the whole time, but the texts I found made it clear the sneaking around was part of the fun for her, too.
Unknown: Yup. I don’t know how anyone could sneak around like that. I’d never be able to pull it off. I’d feel physically sick all the time.
Me: SAME! I’m the worst liar ever. I can’t even play poker.
Unknown: You’re the cutest! I promise if you get back out there and keep your heart open, someone out there will snap you right up.
Oh my God. She’s incredible. I have to know more about her. Clearly, she’s older than me, based on several things she’s said and her general vibe. But how much older?
Me: Is that what you did after your divorce? You got back out there and kept your heart open?
Unknown: Yes and no. I got back out there, yes, but I’m not looking for a relationship, like you are. I’m happily single by choice these days.
Me: Does that mean you date, but only casually?
Unknown: Correct. I go out on dates, now and again, simply because it’s fun to flirt and talk to someone new. Plus, I love sex, and a battery-operated boyfriend can only take a girl so far. But I have no desire to make any kind of commitment. I love my life, exactly as is.
Holy fucking shit! She’s a goddess! If my skin felt like it was buzzing before, it now feels like it’s on fire. She threw out that thing about loving sex so easily—with zero shame or self-consciousness! Talk about a stark one-eighty from Audrey, who blushed and practically curled into the fetal position, every time I begged to give her oral.
Me: Glad to hear you’re living your best life. Would you be willing to be my Hot Teacher and give me some tips on how to improve my flirting skills? I could use a woman’s perspective.
Unknown: Hot Teacher, lol. Yes, I’d be happy to try to help you. But I’m quite a bit older than you, so you should take my advice with a grain of salt, assuming you’re trying to attract women around your own age.
Before typing my next text, I save her number into my contacts under the name Hot Teacher, just because I find the moniker amusing and sexy.
Me: I’m open in terms of age. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
Hot Teacher: I do mind. First tip, my little Grasshopper, NEVER ask an older woman her age.
Me: Aaaah! Sorry!
Hot Teacher: Rookie error.
Me: I know! I was trying to figure out how many grains of salt I should apply to your advice. I’m thinking the grains of salt to be applied would increase, depending on whether you’re old enough to be my mother, grandmother, or great-grandmother. I’m sorry if it was a rude question.