Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Jude drags me against his chest, wrapping his thick arms around me. His hand moves in circles over my back, his other palm pressed against my cheek as though he's trying to shelter me from the world. His heart beats strong and steady under my ear, and I close my eyes, using the rhythmic beat of it to calm my erratic breaths.
"I am sorry, doll," he whispers.
"What for?"
He drags his free hand over his face and takes a deep breath, his chest expanding under my cheek. "Fuck, Tor. For every-fucking-thing."
There's a moment of silence where all I can hear are our mingled breaths. He smells like he drank half a distillery, and his movements are slow. He's drunk. I feel him press his lips into my hair and his hand brushes across my stomach. I tense for a second because I still don't know how to feel about it. I don't know what terrifies me more, being pregnant, or Jude knowing I'm pregnant.
"Just go to sleep, doll. You need to sleep." He shifts me and lays down, before pulling me onto his chest. I don't fight him. I feel like Jude is the only thing holding me here, in one piece, and the second I move from his arms I'll disintegrate.
He clicks the lamp off and drags his fingers through my hair slowly.
"I miss him," I whisper into the darkness of the room.
He swallows. "I know." Moments pass and then I feel his chest rise from the deep breath he takes. "When were you gonna tell me about the baby, Tor?" He sounds so dejected.
"I'm sorry," I breathe. And I am. I should have told him. "I was scared," I admit in a broken whisper. "I still am."
"You still should've told me. I mean, hell, it's my kid too." I feel his chin brush against the top of my head.
"I thought you would either run for the hills or do this macho shit."
"Run for the hills, huh?" He laughs. "Not a fucking chance. I would never leave you, and I sure as shit would never leave my own kid." He sighs. "I would never leave you, Tor." He gently kisses my forehead. "I love you."
My heart skips a beat. I know he's drunk, but I also know he's telling the truth. I know Jude, I love him, I trust him, but he always seems like such an anomaly. I know I have him, but I never trust that I can truly keep hold of him. He always seems like sand, slipping through my fingers, no matter how hard I try to hold on. His words bring me relief that I didn't know I needed. They give me the strength to dare to want this with him. I twist my face to look up at him. His eyes shimmer in the darkness. He looks at me like I'm his world, and I have to swallow around the lump in my throat. I always thought that Jude had cost me everything, but somewhere along the way, he became everything.
"I love you," I whisper into the darkness. He pulls me closer to him, and I throw one leg over his muscular thigh. His hand moves from my stomach to my thigh, grasping it.
"Good." He smirks." So you'll take my macho shit."
I sigh. He can't be like this, and honestly, this is the reason I didn't tell him. This is what now terrifies me.
He grabs my chin, tilting my head back to look at him. "What's wrong?"
I narrow my eyes at him and take a deep breath. This is going to be a fight. "Jude, I need you to let me kill Joe. I need you to promise you won't try and put me on the bench with this."
"You've lost your fucking mind, woman."
I sigh and fix my gaze on his chest, steeling myself. "This isn't up for discussion, Jude. I told you I was going after him and you agreed to help me. End of."
He groans. "Oh, it will be up for discussion. But you want to know what's not up for discussion? That you are gonna go to the doctor."
I scowl, because what the hell? It will be up for discussion? Jesus, where's the angry, controlling arsehole I have impregnated myself with disappeared to? I swear to God, if he's tiptoeing around me already... "It's unnecessary."
I sigh. "It’s unnecessary."
"Please." He brushes a kiss across my lips. "Just let me fucking take care of you and this baby."
There's no point in arguing with him. I'll let him do his alpha male thing if it makes him feel better. "Fine, but I'm not going every month."
"So stubborn," he mumbles and angles his head to kiss me again. His lips are soft yet demanding as his hand wraps around the back of my neck, holding me there. I moan as Jude's tongue teases along my bottom lip.