Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
He watches me across the small space. Dark lashes brush his cheek after each slow blink.
“What?” I ask.
And he smiles a little. “How do you know I’m about to say something.”
“Lucky guess. What is it.”
A long sigh leaves him, and he grumbles, “It’ll kill the mood. It’s one of those conversations…”
One of those?
“Is it serious?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Well, just fucking spit it out then. Jesus.”
“Excuse me for wanting to keep us in the post-fuck afterglow.”
He pushes up to his elbows and studies his blunt nails, and even with the threat of this mood-killer conversation, I can’t stop smiling at him.
“Okay. So, I know it might seem stupid to bring this up now, but your cum is leaking out of my ass for the second time and we never talked about using condoms or how we feel about not using them, and yeah. Just thought we might want to cover that.”
He slowly meets my eyes again.
“Oh.” I blink in surprise and that smile is long gone now as I peer down at my wet dick. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” he asks.
I feel around for the boxers I discarded earlier, wad them up, and wipe myself off, saying, “Just feels like the right thing to say…”
“Yeah, but it’s my fault too. I literally just thought about it. It’s not like I’ve been keeping this conversation to myself just so you’d fuck me without protection, Jake. And I know you haven’t either. We’ve just been really into each other and not thinking.” He pauses, then asks, “Right? We’ve been really into each other?”
“Definitely.” I toss my boxers onto the floor. “Of course. Why are you asking that like you don’t know how much I like you?”
“Habit, I guess.”
I bite back my annoyance.
“Well. I think I’m clean,” I say.
I quickly look over at him again and watch his eyes widen with panic.
“I should be. I probably am.”
“Probably, Jake?”
“I fucked my ex bare. I was faithful the whole time we were together, but she screwed my roommate and whoever-the-fuck else. So yeah. Probably.”
So happy to be thinking about this again. I almost completely forgot about Katie and the roommate I should’ve killed.
“Oh.” Felix winces, suddenly looking more remorseful now than anything. “Right. The roommate.”
“Yeah.”
“Your ex sucks.”
“I’ll go get tested today. She’s the only one I’m worried about.”
I could hold my tongue and keep this next bit of information to myself because it doesn’t matter and probably shouldn’t matter, but what if Felix found this out on his own somehow.
It’s probably best coming from me.
“I hooked up with this chick a few weeks ago,” I say, and so quickly his expression tightens. “I used a condom. And it was nothing. It meant nothing.”
“When was this? Since you’ve known me?”
“Yeah, but we weren’t anything yet.”
Hurt fills his eyes, and I reach for him.
“Hey.”
“We’ve always been something,” he says quietly. “At least, to me, we were.”
Then he’s pulling away from me and pushing off the bed.
“Stop. Come on. That’s not what I meant.” I sit up and watch Felix tug on his sweats. “It was back when we were both fighting this. Us. When you first became my sponsor. And I got pissed off at my ex, and I just… I needed to fuck someone that wasn’t her. It didn’t mean anything.”
Felix straightens up and glares at me. “So, why not fuck me? If you needed it so badly… and you knew I was willing. Why not come to me?”
“I couldn’t fuck you, Felix. That was the whole point of picking some random chick off an app! I couldn’t touch you. I couldn’t want you, and I did. I wanted you the second I saw you.”
His chest heaves, and he wets his lips. “You did?”
“Yes.”
“The very first second you saw me?”
I fight a smile and nod.
Felix blushes instantly and stares at the floor. Then he scratches the back of his head, whispering, “No fucking way.”
And it kills me that he may never see himself the way I see him.
I shift over and stand from the bed, crowding him and touching his face. Lifting it. I kiss his mouth, lingering when he starts kissing me back.
“I’m sorry that hurt your feelings,” I say. “I just thought you should know about it.”
“Well. Thank you for apologizing. And for telling me. I’m glad it was horrible for you.”
“I never said—”
He covers my mouth with his hand. “I’m going to pretend you couldn’t get off with her and it was the worst sexual experience of your life, and this is the last time we’ll ever talk about it. Nod if you agree.”
I smile against his hand. Then I nod.
“Good.” He uncovers my mouth. “Um. So, I haven’t always been safe or smart about sex, but I got tested last a few months ago and it’s just been you since. As long as you’re clean, I should be.”