Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“So now, you wanted me to lie to you?”
“I just wanted you to love me! Not with just your actions, but your words! We have ears for a reason! All children would be born deaf if it wasn’t important. You sit here telling me you can hear me, but you ain’t never listened to me a day in yo’ life!”
Mama gave a black, layered look. She sighed, falling back against the pillow. Staring blankly at the coffee table.
“I didn’t call you over here to dissect you, to break you down, to make you upset or feel any type of way. I called you over here to tell you how I feel, what I wished for us, and how I’d like to move forward. I wanted you to come here, instead of me coming to you as I usually do, because I wanted to make sure I had no escape. I didn’t want to run away from this discussion. We’re more alike than we realize. I do the same damn things you do. I. AM. YOU!” Mama slowly turned back in her direction. “I was a workaholic, just like my mama. I am about making money and saving it, too. Just like my mama. I am ambitious, and I have difficulty with men, just like my mama. I was afraid of true connections and vulnerability. I was afraid to fall in love, just like my mama…”
“I don’t think that’s fair.” Mama’s voice shook. Her eyes sheened over, hitting Nadia right in the gut. “I never told you to never fall in love, I told you to not trust these mothafuckas. You chose bad men and so did I, but maybe that’s because the majority of men ain’t shit. The bucket has slim pickin’s, Nadia, and it is nothing more than that!”
“Mama, you and I chose bad men, and it’s not because most men ain’t shit. A lot of ’em aren’t, but I wouldn’t say most,” she offered with a sad smile. “It’s because we attract the ‘ain’t shit’ men. Because trauma has a stench, and vultures can smell it on us. That’s how they find their prey.”
“Speaking of vultures, your father shares some of the blame don’t he, since you out here handing out verbal and emotional ass whoopin’s? Because last I checked, he wasn’t there for you at all, but he’s not available, once again, per usual, to receive this tongue lashing, now is he? It’s just me sittin’ here being the piñata for both of us.”
“This isn’t about blame. It’s about love. Yeah, my father would be responsible, too, but like you said, he’s dead. You and I are still alive though. There’s hope. I hope that you’ll listen to me. I hope in some ways, after today, we can start fresh.”
Mama’s face clouded with uneasiness.
“I have something important to tell you.”
“What?”
“I am engaged!” She reached her hand out, and flashed the ring. Mama’s eyes grew large, and she leaned forward, eyeing at the stunning diamond. “I’m getting married, Mama.”
“I ain’t even know you were dating anyone. To who?” A faint wave of panic could be detected in her voice, taking Nadia by surprise.
“I’m engaged to a man I’ve known for a mighty long time, but we’ve reconnected as adults. Well, we were grown when we met, but just young. His name is Lennox Wilde. Mama, it’s been quite a ride with this man. He’s special. He loves me to the depths of my soul.”
Mama looked away. “Baby, that’s fairytale stuff. Men are incapable of loving anyone. It’s all cosplay.”
“Mama, Lennox and I are not fairytales, soap operas or Hollywood stars. We’re very much real, and so is our love for one another. We’re adults who are trying to process our pain, take accountability for our own actions, and not repeat the same mistakes of the past. We are both going through trials and tribulations. We are both trying to grow.”
Mama kept her gaze averted.
“Where’d you meet this man? I ain’t never heard of him.” She slowly turned back towards her.
“At a job of mine before I left for college.”
“That restaurant? The Rooster spot?”
“Yes ma’am.” Nadia leaned into her mother, and scooted closer. “You and I have our ups and down, Mama, but I’m fortunate. His mama is dead. Been gone a long while. I am so glad that mine is not because I know my fiancé would turn this world upside down to get just five more minutes with her.” Mama’s hands tensed in her lap. “And here I am, with a mama that is alive, and sometimes it doesn’t even feel like we have a true relationship, let alone talk.” Mama stirred restlessly in her seat. “I envied his relationship with his mother when I understood how close they were. I dare to say, when he described it to me, I was jealous. He could talk to her! She was strict, but she cared!” A tear streamed down Nadia’s cheek as her pain burst. A shower. The rain. “Not a day went by when her children questioned her love for them. I didn’t have that with you, Mama.”