Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
“It’s wrong. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be, and you know it. We raised you right, and this isn’t what I wanted for you. The way you flaunt your lifestyle choices—the men, the photos.” He turned to Anson. “He will ruin your career. Are you willing to give that up for him? He doesn’t commit. He—”
“Is the best man I’ve ever known,” Anson said, cutting him off. “And you don’t deserve him. You think you hold the moral high ground, but you don’t. He is twice the man you could ever be, and if I did lose my career, if I lost everything, he would be worth it because the trade-off would mean I get him, someone who loves me without conditions. That’s better than only having people who care about me if I fit in the box they built for me. That’s the way you’re supposed to love your son. Unconditionally.”
My father opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He wasn’t used to being spoken to that way.
Anson tugged on my hand. “Come on, baby. Let’s go.”
But I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I still hadn’t done what I’d come to do. “My whole life, all I wanted was to make you proud, to make you love me. I spent the first eighteen years of my life either hiding, hating who I was, or trying to change, all for you. Going to that stupid fucking camp. When I couldn’t do it anymore, when I thought it would kill me, I walked away, but I still never stopped trying to earn your love. I went to law school for you and went into politics for you. I became a senator for you, trying to prove I was worthy, even if I couldn’t love the way you wanted me to. It was never enough. It took meeting Anson, experiencing what love is supposed to be about, to see that no matter what I did, it would never be enough. And I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to make you proud. I don’t need your approval. I don’t need you.”
I squeezed Anson’s hand and felt his pride in me in the way he held tight.
“I’m going to be resigning effective the first of the year.”
“West?” Anson said, but I ignored him.
“I thought I could make a difference in people’s lives, and in doing so, even if they weren’t changes you’d make, I thought I could earn your love through my hard work, but neither of those things will happen, and I’m okay with that. I’m going to start living for me. Start making changes my way. If you ever want to be part of my life, I’m only a phone call away.” I let go of Anson’s hand, walked over, and hugged my mom. “I love you. If you ever decide you can accept me as I am, accept me with Anson, then I would love to have you in my life.”
She cried but didn’t respond. I turned to Anson and nodded toward the door. “Come on, Bashful. Let’s go. It’s time to be happy.”
He took my hand, and we walked out, ready to do just that.
Chapter Forty-Five
Anson
“Don’t be nervous. You got this.” West straightened the collar of my shirt. The press conference was being held at the Lightning training facility. There was a room full of journalists chomping at the bit, eager to hear what announcement Anson Hawkins and the Atlanta Lightning were making.
It had been a wild few days. I’d never been prouder in my life than I was of West and what he’d done in Raleigh. We’d left, him heading back to California and me to Georgia. I had to talk to my family about what I was doing, and once my agent decided to release me from my contract because he didn’t agree with my decision, I’d signed with Mia.
West had resigned his term effective January first. I’d told him if he wanted to stick out the rest, I would understand. That it would be hard, but we’d find a way to make it work. We loved each other, and that was what mattered, but he’d said he was tired and done with it all. I was worried about what it meant for the Senate, but West explained that the governor of California, who belonged to his party, would get to choose his replacement until the next election.
In about five minutes, I would be an out professional football player, and in a few months, West would be a private citizen…who lived in Atlanta with me.
“Hello, Bashful, you in there?” West said, making me realize I hadn’t replied.
“Yeah, sorry. Of course I’m nervous, but it feels like a relief too. I can’t wait to go out there and proudly tell them who I am.”
“That’s my boy.” He leaned in and kissed me.