Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
I nodded. “Go hang out with your brother. We got this.” Cheryl and I would have to talk at some point. We might as well get it over with.
“Okay,” Anson answered as I began picking up plates. He and Elias went out the back door, and I figured they must have a hoop there. They sure as shit were a sports family.
It wasn’t until Cheryl and I got all the dishes into the kitchen that she said, “I’m sure you think I’m a horrible person…a horrible mom, and maybe I am. Maybe I’m lying to myself. I truly want nothing more than to see my children happy, but I worry too. The world isn’t a kind place, and sports can be especially cruel. Football is Anson’s world, and he’s good at it…so good. It’s the one thing that gave him confidence in his life. The one place he let go and just let himself be a kid when he was younger. He was always trying to help me—to work and take care of Elias—and though football was work to him too, he was free out there.”
She paused, took a deep breath, and continued. “And if this comes out, the…relationship between the two of you, the one place he had in life that was just his, where he was free and where he could just be, won’t be the same. It’s a contract year. He needs to do what he can to get signed. He’s good enough that he will, but you and I are both smart enough to know it’ll be different. The sport he loves will become not only about how he plays but who he loves. People will support him, and that will be great, but we both know there will be people who won’t, both inside and outside the locker room. It’s not fair, and even though I’m coming to terms with this myself, I want to protect him from the outside world. I don’t want anyone to hurt my baby boy because he doesn’t deserve that.”
She swiped at the tears on her face.
“I don’t think you’re a bad person or a bad mom. I think you love your son, and like you said, you want to protect him. That’s what mothers do. Or should do. Mine didn’t. My father didn’t either, so believe me when I say I can spot the difference in good, loving parents. You are one. The rest of it… You’re right. It won’t be easy. People will be hateful, and even the ones who mean well and who are supportive will make it difficult sometimes because they’ll focus more on his sexuality than who Anson is outside of that. We both love him, and we both want what’s best for him. But I’ll tell you, as much as Anson loves football, he’s not free there because he has to hide who he is, and it was killing him. He had to choose between a sport he loved and ever having love. He hid and denied who he was for that game. That’s not freedom. Why shouldn’t he get to have the sport he loves and the man he loves too?”
Her tears flowed freely then. There was a box of Kleenex on the counter. I handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she replied softly, surprising me.
“I’m not pushing him to come out. I would never do that. I’ll wait for him.”
“But he won’t. I know my boy better than that. Maybe that’s hard to believe since I didn’t know he was…he is gay, but one thing is clear, he loves you. I knew it the second he told me about you, and it would take a fool not to see it. I’ve never… The way he looks at you, speaks to you… It’s the way I used to look at his father and the way his father looked at me. Now that he’s found you, being away from you will hurt him. You live in California. You have a year and a half left of your term, and then what? Will you run again? Will the Lightning contract him again, or will he go somewhere else? It’s not going to be easy to make this work, but once Anson has fallen in love with something—and now someone—once he’s set his mind to something, he’s all in. He’s braver than he knows, and he won’t be able to keep this a secret for long. It’ll make him feel weak. He’ll get impatient. He was similar with football. Once he’s made a decision, he pushes forward.”
She was right. I’d been thinking the same thing, especially given the speed with which he went from Mia finding out to telling Elias and then his mom. When Anson wanted something, nothing stood in his way, and for whatever reason, he’d decided he wanted me. Now that he’d gotten a taste of what it would be like, he’d become impatient, even though there could be huge repercussions.