Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 129110 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129110 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
It's always 1000% been because of you.
"I've been feeling this way for a while." I take a moment and let that realization sink in.
“Then why are you with him? I pegged you as being smarter than that.”
Ouch.
The hatred on his face makes me want to throw up. The fact that I don’t even have to think about my answer eats me up inside.
"Because it’s easy?" I question. My voice raises a thousand octaves. I hate when people do that. "Sometimes I have to remember I’m dating him. We’ve been together for almost two years and almost none of it has been good."
"Two bloody years?"
Shock. Loathing. Detestation.
I swallow hard.
“What makes your relationship so unbearable yet allows you to what? Stick it out?”
Hurt. He's disappointed. I'm not who he thought I was.
“I don’t like the person I am with him.” I'm honest anyway, surprised by how the answer so effortlessly rolls off my tongue. Actually it shocks the crap out of me. How could I have been feeling this way for so long yet refused to admit it to myself? I think long and hard.
"I got so used to being her. I accepted that shit sucks. I convinced myself that I don't deserve better because I'm kind of hopeless. Plus I hate change."
"And you call me sad."
"Excuse me?" I take offense. I feel my face get hot and my walls building themselves back up, brick by brick.
"How can you not like yourself for that long, Elle?" The concept is Greek to him, and I’m pissed, yet somewhat going through this grand epiphany.
It's weird.
Outerbody-like weird.
"Like you're so perfect," I snap, and that seems to get him to back off. He clears his throat.
"So what's wrong with the guy?"
“He’s kind of a jerk. Disrespectful.”
He looks worried.
"It's not... like that!" I quickly add, realizing he's thinking the worst.
"Then what's it like?"
"You're not mad?"
"What?"
"That I lied to you?"
"I suppose you came clean in the end," he shrugs, but I'm stuck on the end. "I'm thinking bad things here. Help me."
"Oh," I slowly nod. "Well I don't trust him and I don't think he likes me enough to care." I take a deep breath and tell him what I’m too ashamed to admit to anyone. “I don't think he's ever physically cheated, that I’m aware of at least, but he flirts all the time... and I always find things, even though I’m not looking. Little conversations and what not that make me uncomfortable. Then he gets all weird and blames me."
"And you don't think you deserve to feel better than that?"
"I don't know what I deserve. Remember, clueless? I wasn't kidding."
"Have you both talked about it? Told him you've forgiven him? Have you?”
“I say that I have, but no,” I shake my head. “He knew what a big deal it was to me the first time I found something... off, and it was with my friend, yet he did it again. I guess I'm just really slowly realizing that maybe this is just him - it’s who he is - a big, terrible flirt and liar.” I purse my lips in the midst of my revelation. “This whole time I’ve been the one wanting to fix us, but maybe some things aren’t mendable. I think I'm still that idiot who thinks people can change.” I wonder if Asher can see the light bulb going off in my head. Maybe that's why he's not mad.
Maybe he finally sees just how dumb I am.
"Everyone deserves to feel important to someone."
“He makes other people feel important. Everyone else is more important than me,” I throw my head in my hands. “I'm an idiot for staying with him, huh? Living in constant fear and feeling like shit. I feel ridiculous.”
“I guess I just don’t get it."
“Me either,” I mumble. “That’s life though, right? Prince charming isn’t real and blah blah blah,” I nonchalantly wave my hand in the air.
“Oh I don’t believe that,” he perks up.
"Stop." I can't help but break into a wide smile. "Asher Montgomery believes in fantastical romance? True love? Love at first sight? Do you sweep girls off their feet? Carry them off into the sunset?"
"Most believe I do."
"What do you believe?"
"I believe Elle deserves a prince charming if that’s what she's looking for."
"And who is that supposed to be? You?" I laugh. "The unattainable celebrity who fakes his own relationships and makes everyone he meets sign non-disclosure agreements?"
He winces.
"Sorry. I don't know why my first instinct is to be mean to you. I actually think you're pretty great."
"Do you now?" he raises an eyebrow, and I roll my eyes.
Then the world pauses.
Everything stops moving as his eyes take mine. It catches me off guard in the most wonderful way. I don't know what it means, but as he clears his throat I know it can't be good.