Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Sucking in a haggard breath, I pulled back.
Tears tracked her cheeks.
Her sadness merged with mine.
For once in my life, I had no desire to drink her grief. No sick urge to taste.
Our despair splashed together, binding, baptising.
I couldn’t look away.
My heart didn’t just burst wide open; it threw itself onto a pyre and burned.
“Ily…” I shook my head at the weight of it. “Ily…”
Her tears dripped faster. A smile tugged her lips. “So you do remember how to say my name.”
“I love you,” I breathed.
She stiffened. “Yes, that’s what it means—”
“No.” Reaching into the vanity drawer, I grabbed the mouthwash and swilled away the awful taste of sadness and shame. Spitting the minty mouthful into the sink, I cradled her close, brushed my nose against hers, and said the most honest, petrifying truth of my life, “I meant…I love you.”
I felt as heavy as the world.
As wrung out as a dirty towel.
But…lighter too. Sunshine spearing through the cracks in the black clouds, giving me just enough light to stay alive.
Her lips pressed together. Her body stiffened on my lap.
The old me would’ve closed himself off, backed up, pretended he hadn’t said such things because he couldn’t handle the thought of being so vulnerable. But…this was no longer about me. It’d never been about me.
It’s always been about her, and I was just too much of an idiot to see it.
“I love you, Ilyana Sharma, and I know you’ll never say it back. But I need to tell you anyway. I love you. Christ, I love you. Loving you is the worst pain I’ve ever felt but I’m grateful because…I deserve it. I deserve to be in agony for what I’ve done. Deserve to be in pieces for how much I’ve failed you.”
“Henri, I—”
“It’s fine. Don’t say anything. I’m…” I sagged and forced a wet chuckle. “I didn’t mean to break that badly. I’m sorry—”
“It’s okay—”
“I shouldn’t be sobbing all over you. I should be the one holding—”
“Why? So I can cry over what Victor did?” She rolled her eyes as if he meant nothing. “I accepted that it would happen, and I didn’t watch when it did.”
“Didn’t watch?” Fresh tears stung my eyes. What did that mean? Why wasn’t she a mess over this? Had she snapped like I had and refused to come back?
It’s true then…I-I broke her.
Here I was pouring my fucking heart out, and she wasn’t sane enough to understand me.
Gathering her closer, I rocked her on my lap. “Please, Ily. Don’t let him take you from me. Don’t let him win—”
“Win?”
“I know I didn’t stop him. I know I didn’t protect you, but please, I won’t survive if you leave me—”
“Leave, wh—?”
“It’s okay. I’m gonna fix this. I promise. I swear I’ll find a way and—”
“Henri—”
“Just come back to me and—”
“Henri!”
I froze, terror spiralling in my chest. I blinked as she cupped my cheeks, her fingers strong and sure. “Stop talking over me and listen.”
I swallowed hard, captivated and confused. The way her golden eyes blazed. The way her body sat so proud and defiant. She looked the opposite of broken. She looked…untouched.
I frowned. “How are you okay with this? How are you not in pieces?”
She shook her head, her damp hair sticking to bare shoulders, her towel gaping around her breasts. “I’m fine.”
“Fine?” I reclined against the cistern, the cold porcelain biting into my naked skin. “You shut down completely. You weren’t aware when I picked you up. Your eyes were vacant, your soul gone. You were a goddamn corpse.”
She gave me a soft smile. “I wasn’t gone. I just wasn’t watching.”
My nose wrinkled. “I-I don’t understand.”
“I went somewhere he couldn’t touch me.”
“Where?”
“Not sure. All I know is, Victor happened. Rachel happened. I’ll have to deal with everything eventually, but right now…right now, I need to be strong to keep my promise to Pete—” She smashed her lips together. Her eyes widened as if she hadn’t meant to say such things. For a moment, she looked as if she’d push away and leave.
“What promise?” I asked quietly.
Her shoulders braced but then…her face softened, her hand reached up, and she brushed away my tears with a gentle thumb. “Did you mean it?”
Goosebumps darted down my back at her caress. My cock throbbed with need—lust so honest and raw compared to the pharmaceutical chemicals keeping me stiff. “Mean what?”
“That you’re done playing his games?”
Her whisper was just the same as any other, yet…
Every part of me had changed.
It was as if the boy inside me who couldn’t protect his siblings had finally taken control and would do absolutely anything to right his wrongs.
Smiling gently, falling deeper into love with her, I pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. We sat entwined on the fucking toilet, the still-falling shower muting our whispers, our skin chilled from droplets, and our connection unseen by the cameras. “You asked me a month ago to play along with you.” Kissing my way along her jaw to her ear, I murmured, “I should’ve said this back then, but…I’m ready. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to finish what I started. I came here to free all those trapped. So…I’ll free them. Or I’ll die trying.”