Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Time ticked onward. But I wasn’t aware.
Ice settled into my bones. But her warmth kept me alive.
I couldn’t stop.
It just kept pouring, pouring—
At some point in my breaking, Ily shifted on my lap. Wrapping her arms around my head, she hugged me to her breasts. She held me to her, cradled me, protected me.
I cried harder.
I should’ve been the one to protect her.
Guard her.
Avenge her.
Because of me, he’d taken her.
Because of me, she was a slave.
Because of me.
Because of me.
Always because of me.
God—
My head cracked from the pressure. I bled out all over the floor.
“I’m sorry.” My voice broke. “I—” I couldn’t finish.
Another feral noise tumbled from my mouth; I held her far too tight.
She moaned in my arms, but I couldn’t stop.
How could I ever make it up to her?
How could I ever repair this?
How could she ever forgive me?
The thought of her hating me for eternity was too much.
Too painful.
Fresh tears stung.
Horror that I’d lost her.
Acceptance that I deserved it.
“I’m sorry…” I tried again. “So, so fucking sorry.”
“Hush.” She kissed the top of my head. “It’s okay. You’re okay...”
Jesus Christ, how was this woman so goddamn strong?
Her strength put mine to shame.
He’d raped her.
Hurt her.
Yet I was the one who broke.
I clung to her like a drowning man.
I rocked and sobbed and begged, fucking begged her to fix me. To erase my past, delete my sins, and somehow heal me from everything my father had made me become.
The pressure in my eyes slipped down onto my tongue.
Just like I couldn’t stop the tears, I couldn’t stop the confessions.
“H-He made me lose my virginity at seven years old.” I cringed at the words. I wanted to snatch them back. I hated that more flowed free. “He made me cut them…fuck them…”
The sobs came back.
Fresh tears washed away words and secrets I’d kept hidden even from myself.
What was I doing?
Dumping that shit on her?
I should be the one cradling her.
Letting her cry and heal.
Raising my head, I tried to be better. To be the man I should’ve always been.
But the moment our eyes locked, I forgot everything.
A quaking cavernous silence filled me; I sucked in my first breath in so long.
No more noises or sorrow…just aching quietness after the storm. A blanketing lull that felt both peaceful and terrifying.
Shifting on my lap, she draped her legs on either side of my hips.
Her towel rode up, exposing her.
The hard-on that wouldn’t fade for hours thanks to that awful fucking pill speared between us, and I hated it. Hated that part of myself. Hated how much pain it’d caused me and all those I’d abused.
Sickness rose again, but Ily kept me stable. The dizziness couldn’t find me. The horrors blocked out thanks to her touch.
“Tell me,” she whispered. “Let it out.”
With a groan, I clung to her.
I couldn’t.
I had no right.
But the despair inside me bled out anyway. “I remember. All of it. I know now why my mother absolutely despised me. She knew. She knew what he made me do. What I did to those women. And…and I don’t think I can live with what I’ve done. With what I am.”
She hugged me back, so kind, so wonderfully, horribly kind. She didn’t speak. Didn’t offer absolution. She just held me in my pain.
Tears welled all over again.
For my brother.
His son.
His wife.
Were they still alive?
How could I warn them that Victor was coming?
How could I stop all of this because I couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t stay here. None of those jewels, new or old, could stay anywhere near this nightmare.
My body quaked and rattled.
My mind refractured and reformed.
I’d been searching for validation in all the wrong places, in all the worst people, but now…I knew what I had to do.
I knew what was worth fighting for, dying for…her.
Always, forever her.
Pressing my lips to her ear so the cameras couldn’t hear, I whispered, “That’s the last time he’ll ever lay a finger on you. You have my absolute vow.”
Sucking in a breath, she pulled back and caught my eyes.
Cupping her cheeks, I tucked blue-black hair behind her ears. “Ce qui reste de ma vie sans valeur est à toi et tu peux en faire ce que tu veux. Je ne m'attends pas à ce que tu me pardonnes. Je sais que tu ne feras jamais plus que me détester mais… j'en ai fini.” (What’s left of my worthless life is yours to do with as you please. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I know you’ll never do more than hate me, but…I’m done.)
The final dregs of the ocean inside me ebbed and sloshed as I hugged her again.
A simple hug.
My ultimate undoing.
I didn’t know if I wanted to live or die, but I did know this woman now owned me.
I would lay down my life for her.
I would do whatever it took to get her free.