Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 84533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
“There’s a heating system. The onions, garlic, cabbage, carrots, and peas are a little tougher and can withstand the cold better. I have an energy curtain. It closes at night and opens during the day.”
Shit, he knew a lot. I looked around me, at how different things were from the photographs online. All this, Crow had done himself. Was there anything he didn’t know how to do? How to survive? “How did you learn all this?” I asked, but he didn’t respond. I tried not to be discouraged. He already gave me so much. “Can I help?”
That made his head whip in my direction and his gaze shoot to mine like he hadn’t expected me to ask that. There was a flash of panic before he covered it. “No.”
“Fine.” I turned and stalked back to the stump. “I’ll just sit here like a good boy and leave you alone.”
Crow ignored my temper tantrum. He just continued with his work. And I continued to pout…for what had to be over an hour while Crow went about his business, preparing his property for the winter.
I knew it wasn’t personal. I was simply the only person he’d ever allowed here. Though maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe the man he fucked came to his home. That thought felt like sandpaper against my skin. I couldn’t sit there and pout any longer, so I shoved to my feet. “I’m going for a walk.”
My feet hit the ground a little too hard as I headed away. Outside my own noises and those of the mountain around us, it was quiet, which was why I didn’t expect it when Crow grabbed me—I hadn’t even heard him coming.
“No.”
“No?” Anger burst out of me. “No? You don’t get to tell me what to do. And I’m not going to sit on a fucking stump all day in the cold and watch you fix shit. I get that you don’t trust me, that you don’t want to leave me alone in your house, and I know how big of a deal it is that I’m here at all, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat me like I’m useless!” I ripped my arm out of his grip and started to walk away, but Crow blocked my path.
“Not useless.”
“I don’t feel that’s true.” Ever. I didn’t ever feel like I wasn’t useless.
Crow ran a hand through his hair, which just fell again to hang around his face. I saw it then, the torment in his gaze. As much as I felt useless, he was struggling with how to do this. I had to remember that this wasn’t about him thinking I couldn’t help, but about him spending at least ten years doing everything alone.
“I’m sorry, Crow. I know you’re not used to this…and you told me you’re trying. I have a lot of issues. Relationships with people are hard for me to navigate. I can get a bit up and down, take things too personally, but I shouldn’t put my struggles on you.”
“You can get lost out there.”
Yes. I could. I’d done that before, hadn’t I? “I’ll sit on the stump. I promise.” I crossed my heart, wishing he would smile, but he didn’t.
Crow just signaled for me to follow him, and we walked back toward the house. When we got there, he asked, “Have you ever weatherproofed windows?”
I wondered if my eyes lit up the way my insides did. That simple question sent me soaring. “No, but I’m a fast learner.”
Crow nodded, and we got to work.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Crow
I taught Cyrus how to weatherproof the windows. We got some of them done, then went inside and I made us lunch. I could tell he wanted to help, but thankfully, he didn’t ask. I didn’t eat food I hadn’t made with my own hands. It was even hard for me to eat things from the store in the beginning, but as long as it was closed and untampered with, I’d gotten over that.
It was making me antsy, having someone in my space, doing things with me. In The Enlightened, people had worked in groups a lot, but I wasn’t always a part of that. It depended on Chosen’s mood. Sometimes he would order me to join everyone, saying I was soft, that I didn’t have it in me to be the kind of leader I needed to be, and outside of pain, that was a way to teach me. Other times, he kept me close because I was supposed to emulate him, and he was Chosen, so he didn’t have to do mundane things—since it was through him that we got a better life on earth and through him that we got to heaven. That gave him a pass on other things.
After lunch, we finished the windows. I double-checked my salt, fuel, and propane supply. Last week I’d already serviced the snowplow and snowmobile, so I knew those were fine.