Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 84533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
“It’s not the same thing, Crow. I wanted what you did to me. Eddie hit me because I didn’t want to give myself to him. I like your marks on me. I want more.”
His pupils blew wide, but he didn’t respond, didn’t touch me or fuck me or anything like that. Instead, he took my hand again, led me to the tub, and motioned for me to get in. I did, sank into the hot water, feeling more comfortable than I had in my whole life.
Like he’d done in the bedroom, Crow slid down the wall and sat on the floor beside the tub.
“I love baths,” I said, and he only nodded. “My mom used to buy bubble bath for me. It wasn’t something we could always afford, even though it was cheap, but she got it for me. I would wear bubble crowns and laugh. It was so simple and so much fun.” I couldn’t piece together why I was telling him this. My mom was the only thing in my life I’d kept sacred and mine, but this wasn’t the first time I’d given those good parts of her to him. “One time she got me this special paint so I could paint on the walls. I had a blast with that.” I chuckled, feeling Crow’s intense stare on me. I wanted his stories too, wanted him to share them with me, but I didn’t even know if Crow had any good memories. I didn’t know a lot about his cult or even how he felt about it.
When the water got high, he leaned over and turned it off for me.
But when I considered this—the bath, the meals, his worry about how he’d fucked me—he must’ve had something good in his life, otherwise how would he have learned to be so giving? Or maybe that wasn’t how the world worked, and it was just Crow’s nature—he could be fierce and hard, but also gentle.
“Have you showered?” I asked, and he shook his head. “After what we did yesterday, you should probably clean up.” When I was greeted with Crow’s familiar silence, I added, “You can…get in with me…”
“I don’t understand.”
“In the bath together. You can sit behind me, and I’ll lie between your legs and—”
“No.” I flinched at his response. “No,” he said again, then shook his head. “This. I don’t understand this.” Crow pointed back and forth between us. “I’ve never had a…friend. Or a partner. Even before…” He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was clear he didn’t like to talk about his time in the cult. “It was different. I don’t know what this is, don’t know how to do it. I don’t understand some of my thoughts…desires. It gets tangled up inside me.”
Those were the most words I’d heard him say, and damn, they did a number on my heart. Things had been bad for me for most of my life, but I understood emotions in a way he didn’t. I understood people and relationships. Still, a part of me related to what he was saying. The confusing connection I had with him didn’t make sense to me either.
“I’m not asking you for labels, Crow. I’m not asking you to be my friend or my partner or telling you to do anything. We can just be…do…what feels good because neither of us has had much that feels good. Right now I just want you to take off your clothes and get into the bath with me. Everything else can be figured out later.”
Like me going down the mountain before the snow came. I had two days off, but those would be over quickly. Or maybe Crow would make me leave before then anyway. I also had an apartment with bills and a job, so I couldn’t be stuck up here even if he wanted me to stay—not that he would.
But I wanted that.
Nothing I had mattered anyway. None of it meant anything to me, except one small box in the closet that held some of my mother’s things.
I was surprised when Crow stood up and pulled his shirt off. The man was so sexy, it should be illegal. His masculine chest, with just the right amount of fur, made me want to rub my cheek against it.
He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans next, tugging them down. He was soft, but I could see he wasn’t just a grower. Even now he was big.
He had more body hair than I did, a thick, dark nest at his groin, and dark furry thighs.
I sat up, and he climbed in behind me and sat down. Crow’s legs were around me, and I leaned back against him, immediately feeling him tense up.
“I’m sorry.” I attempted to put space between us. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but Crow just wrapped his arm around me and held me down. I tried to turn my head to look up at him, but he didn’t let me do that either.