My Bully Crush Volume 1 Read Online Jordan Silver

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary Tags Authors: Jordan Silver Advertisement

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Now I’m sitting here wishing the best for him and taking solace in the fact that he looked better in this latest photo than he had in quite some time. One of the things that had angered me beyond belief once I was able to see through the heartache was the fact that he looked worst after getting married to someone else.

I had so many questions back then, and there were times when I imagined meeting Janie in a dark alley and giving her a piece of my mind along with a swift kick in the ass. I mean, if she was going to go to such lengths to take him away from me, the least she could’ve done was take better care of him. Instead, he’d looked haggard and strung out each time the paparazzi snapped a picture of him, and she was always there by his side, smiling like an ass while her husband looked close to death.

It was none of my business and still isn’t, but my thoughts are my own, and I’m free to think whatever I want. There’s been lots of speculation as to where he’d gone off to. Some had been sure that the two of us were shacking up somewhere, then when I was seen out and about, it was rumored that we had a love nest, and I was only making public appearances to throw everyone off the scent.

I’m not sure how to tell about my fans thinking I was okay with committing adultery, but they’ve proven that they’re like a dog with a bone, and I know that there are thousands of them out there who still wish to see us get our happy ending. Others had given up long ago, and their hope had turned to anger, which he and his wife suffered the brunt of.

Now the rumor mill was going strong once again because he’d returned home to his wife, and I was bracing myself for the backlash. No wonder I can’t move on; the world just won’t let me, even if I were so inclined. I never realized until our split how big a part we played in some people’s fantasies.

The kids who’d grown up watching me grow up on screen had been more invested than I realized in our relationship and were finding it hard to let go of the fairytale. I can’t blame them, though, since I myself was still having such a hard time with it.

I was only now accepting that truth; it was too evident in my response to seeing him back home safe and whole for me to deny any longer, at least to myself. I wouldn’t be caught dead admitting it to anyone else, though, least of all Sydney, who’s the only one I’d trust to tell it to. She’d probably put a hit out on him if she knew because the girl is just that protective of me.

I won’t utter a word of my feelings to her because she’d see it as a setback, not knowing that I’d just grown very adept at masking my true feelings and that I never really got over us and what I’d hoped would be. I think I’d become part monster, too, because I can’t deny that even when I felt a kind of sadness seeing him looking so horrible, I got a weird kind of satisfaction knowing that he wasn’t doing as well as he thought he would without me.

I released a deep breath and put my phone away to find something productive to do with my time. It irks me no end that he still occupies so much of my thoughts. No matter how I lie to others and myself, I may never get over him, and believe me, I’ve tried.

There’s nothing like judging oneself and finding yourself to be lacking and borderline stupid for still having feelings for someone who’d treated you as horribly as he had me. But like I said before, I didn’t even realize that true love, once broken, is something akin to death. I know people move on from the loss of a loved one, but no one ever taught me how to grieve for someone who was still very much alive.

I used to be able in the beginning to convince myself that I was over him, that I was too angry to care, but I don’t have even that to keep me company because it was all just a lie. The fact that my heart leaped in my chest when I saw him on the screen, still alive, unhurt, was proof of that. Now I’m back to square one.

***

“Oh, my goodness, did you see this?” Sydney burst into my room a few days after Ryder’s return to L.A.

“What’re you doing here? Don’t you have a tour to plan?” Of course, I was happy to see her. I’d been hiding away in my room the last few days because I didn’t want anyone else to see me and guess what was going on with me.

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