Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
I’m sure the world sees me in the same light as I see them. I haven’t always been the best partner, even before all this, but there was one thing we were both sure of, and that’s our love for each other. With the drugs out of my system and my mind coming back to normal, I’d remembered it all, remembered the ease we’d had with each other, something I’d never experienced with anyone else because she was the person I loved and trusted most in this world.
I remembered that the only good times I ever had, even with all the success, were with her. She was the thing that kept me grounded even in the midst of a storm. She was the one who’d fought for me even when I didn’t find myself worthy of being saved.
As long as I live, I’ll never forgive myself for doing this to her, for putting her through all this, but I’m going to give it one hell of a try. And this waiting to go to her is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I was snapped back to reality by Janie reaching out for my hand, which I snatched away again, not willing to go that far for the charade I was being made to play. And when I looked at her this time, it was she who took a step back even though the half smile remained on her face.
“Ryder, you’re back; where have you been? Why didn’t you call? Scott just called, but he didn’t tell me much….” She broke off when she saw the two men who had followed me in but were standing back out of the way. “Who are they?”
“They’re with me.”
“Yeah, but who….?”
“My house, I don’t have to explain, but since you asked, this is Tyler; he’s my voice coach, and Zak, my acting coach.”
“Acting? What? Is this what Scott was talking about? The something big? You’re going into acting?” She looked the two men over, but since she was not too bright, I didn’t expect her to notice the militant stance or the fact that neither of them fit the ideal of either of those professions.
I’d had my doubts about anyone believing that lie, but with Saunders’s name in the mix, no one would dare say a word. Besides, this is Hollywood, and anything goes. “I’m sure Scott will be here soon to fill you in the way he always does. I’ve got work to do.” I motioned the two men to follow me and headed for the stairs leaving her standing there looking after us, calling out to me.
“But you just got home, aren’t you…?” I didn’t wait around to hear what else she had to say because, as far as I was concerned, I owed her nothing. The guilt I once felt for not being able to return her feelings for me was dead, and all I wanted was for this nightmare to be over so I could move on with my life.
There was a lot to unpack, a lot of soul-searching that needed to be done, but I knew I couldn’t do it here, not with her so close. And there was still the grand act I had to put on for the others. Trying to convince them that I was still the shell of a man they’d tried to turn me into was going to take a lot of effort on my part, but that’s what these guys were here for, to take some of the heat off me.
Right now, there was only one thing on my mind. I had a lot to make up for, a lot of wrongs to make right, but I couldn’t even do that; I can’t go to the one who deserves it more than anyone else, so I was in a rush to get into the studio and get the song done. At least I could do that much, and just as she knew that I would decode her message in her last song, I knew she’d get my message loud and clear.
I was already in a bad mood because of the paparazzi who’d been waiting outside the house with their stupid questions about Elena and her man of the hour and if I had any comment. What the fuck did they expect me to say? It was hard enough keeping my face void of any emotion as they hounded me to the gate, but had I opened my mouth to them, it would be all over, and the headlines would be saying something very different.
I know I shouldn’t begrudge her a dating life, not after the hell that I’d put her through, but it grinds my gears no matter how I tell myself that it shouldn’t matter. The thought of anyone getting close to her has haunted me these last few days and nights, and I’ve had to talk myself down more than once from calling her and telling her just what I’d do to her and those fools if anyone of them dared put their hands on her.