Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“Oh shit!” Ryder laughed the words out, and I just stared at him as if he was the one on meds. What the hell is going on?
Chapter 45
*Elena*
If he’s telling the truth about this, does that mean that he’s being honest about everything else? I wasn’t anywhere close to forgiving him, but I can’t deny the fact that I was happy, elated even, that we were in the same room together after so many years apart, even though we were yelling at each other.
I hadn’t really let it set in entirely that he was really here, and it was now sinking in that we were this close to each other again after thinking for so long that this would never happen in this lifetime. I lost count of how many times in the beginning I imagined just this happening. How many times have I wished to wake up from the nightmare and realize that it was all just a dream until time passed by, and I gave up hope and stopped wishing?
I won’t deny to myself that I liked having him here, that being this close to him was the most alive I’ve felt in too long to remember. I won’t lie to myself about how it makes me feel, but no way in hell will I let him see or know it.
I’ve learned how to guard my feelings and keep them hidden from the world, and I doubt that I would ever trust him enough ever again to let myself be that open with him anyway. I’d grown a lot in the time we were apart, had told myself and anyone who would listen that I would never let myself be that vulnerable again, never let anyone make as big a fool of me as he did.
But now my heart is on fire, and my traitorous body that remembers him so well is crying out for his. But there’s a part of me that’s terrified of falling back into the same old rut. A part of me that dreads having my heart broken again by the only man who has the power to do it. I know myself when it comes to him, know that he’s my one weakness, and the problem is, he knows it too.
“Now, do you believe me?”
“About what?”
“Don’t play games, Elena. I meant the fact that I never touched her, not after we got married anyway.”
“Pfft. What does it matter? Besides, you could’ve hired this MengeLiNi person to do all this.” I didn’t believe that for a second, but anything to stall him. If we’re fighting, I won’t be so quick to give in, right?
“I already explained that about that. And stop calling me a liar.”
“Why? You’re something worse. You’re a damn cheat. Tell me, what kind of love is that, where you cheat every chance you get?”
“I never cheated on you. The only time I was with anyone else was when we were on a break.”
“Likely story, but I’m not buying it.”
“Suit yourself, but it’s the truth. I know what you think that the world thinks, but I never betrayed you, not intentionally anyway. Yes, I was angry as hell when they told me you were with him in Asia, especially since you knew how I felt about him. He was always after you, and we both know it.”
“But you knew me, Ryder. You knew I would never do such a thing.”
“I know that, but I’ve always hated that guy for wanting you. Maybe that’s why they used him out of all the others they could’ve chosen to tell their twisted lies. As for getting rid of my kid, they knew how much I wanted one with you, I guess. Not sure how, but they knew it would get under my skin.”
“Everything you’re saying boils down to you believing them over me. That shows there was no trust between us. Had there been, you’d never have believed them in the first place.”
“You know, I’ve had lots of time to give our situation some thought, and I think I know what the problem was. Why there was so much turmoil and misunderstandings between us.”
“Do tell!” I didn’t let him see me roll my eyes, and the truth is, I wasn’t feeling as hostile as I had been when he first showed up, which in itself is a very dangerous thing for me. I know from past experience how easy it is for me to fall back in.
I always thought that it was because I was young and didn’t have a very good grip on the whole relationship thing. I was always quick to forgive him in the past because, well, I never really had a choice; my heart would always draw me closer to him no matter what my mouth and mind said. And it was always a losing battle.