Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
It broke my heart to hear her say that.
“Pretty sure I lost the one man who ever truly loved me when Brad died.”
“No, you didn’t,” I wanted to scream. But I knew there would be no turning back if I did. More than that, I wasn’t going to overshadow a statement about Brad’s genuine love for her by unleashing an inappropriate revelation of my own, with impeccable timing. Nor did I want to give her false hope when we were supposed to have ended things.
I shut my eyes, then opened them, relaying only a fraction of what I really wanted to say. “The best is yet to come for you, Carly. I just know it. Please don’t give up on the idea of love. There’s always hope, as long as we’re alive. Don’t let your shitty dad impact your outlook on life.”
“I think you should take some of your own advice, Josh.”
In many ways, with Carly, it felt like I’d found the female version of myself. Which was ironic, considering how much we’d disliked each other at one point.
“We do have a lot in common,” I told her. “More than just Brad. I’ve never been able to reconcile how my mother could just leave. And it’s impacted my sense of self-worth. I understand why your dad makes you feel the way you do, but we can’t define our value by the poor actions or decisions of people who probably need mental help. I’m trying to get myself to believe that. And listening to you talk, knowing how strongly I feel that you’ve been misled to believe certain things because of your dad’s actions, makes me understand that I could be wrong about myself. I’ve taken my mother’s actions personally, too. It’s enlightening to see your situation from the outside.”
“Well, I’m glad my fucked-upness can help you, Josh.”
“We’re both a little fucked up, Pumpkin. But that’s okay.”
“Can I confess something else tonight?” she said.
“Of course.”
“I miss having sex with you.”
Tightening my muscles, I hissed. “We did that very well, didn’t we?”
“I know it’s done. But…I think about it a lot,” she admitted. “It was the best sex of my life.”
Whoa.
That was quite the proclamation.
Better than Brad?
I shunned that thought because it was sick.
“It was different with you,” she added. “Maybe best wasn’t the right word or fair to say…but I experienced things with you that I hadn’t before. That’s what I meant.” She hesitated. “I don’t compare you to him. You know that, right? Whatever you and I had is totally separate.”
She’d hit a nerve—the idea that no matter how much I felt for her, I could never measure up to him, that I’d always only have her because he wasn’t here anymore. And if somehow he miraculously came back, she’d choose him.
It felt like the most selfish thing in the world to compare myself to someone who didn’t have the privilege of life anymore. So I forced those thoughts out of my mind. At the same time, I didn’t want to accept the satisfaction that came from knowing I’d apparently taken her to places sexually that no one had before. What kind of a person would that make me, to take pride in such a thing?
Carly and I stayed on the phone until I could sense her nodding off. Going into this night, I’d hoped I’d finally be able to date again. Turned out the date I’d ended up with was the only one I really wanted.
CHAPTER 30
* * *
CARLY
IT STARTED OUT like a normal workday. I was on a made-for-TV movie set, getting ready for a client at 6 AM when I noticed a New Hampshire number calling my phone.
That’s odd.
I immediately picked up. “Hello?”
“Carly, it’s Lorraine. I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out.”
“What happened?”
“I just got a call from the group home. Scottie escaped this morning. He’s missing.”
My heart dropped. “What?”
Her voice trembled. “There was a new staff person, I guess, working at the house, and they didn’t lock the back door.”
The room felt like it was spinning. “Did this just happen?”
“They called me ten minutes ago. The police are already onsite in the area. I’m driving over there now. I just felt like I needed to let you know.”
My heart was going a mile a minute. “Does Josh know?”
“Not yet. I called you first.”
“Okay. I’m gonna call him right now.” I began packing up my things as fast as possible. “Lorraine, everything is going to be okay. They’ll find him.” Mindlessly tossing various tubes into my carrier, I said, “I’m getting on the next flight out there.”
“Thank you, Carly. I’m shaking right now. I don’t know what to think or expect.”
I slammed my large makeup trunk closed. “Please call me right back if anything changes.”
“I will.”
I turned to my client. “I’m so sorry. I’ve had a family emergency. I have to get on a plane to New England.”