Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“Thank you.” She picked up Grumpy Bear, who still sat on my couch, and hugged him, then leaned her head on my shoulder. Shit. I should have moved the bear. Since when did I have a stuffed animal on my couch? “It’s nice…to meet someone like him. I was beginning to believe I’d be alone forever. Everyone around us is falling in love. It’s lonely sometimes.”
“Yeah, yeah it is,” fell from my lips. I regretted it the second I said the words. Sure, I’d told Griff I’d been feeling left behind lately, but that was different. Nat was talking about wanting love, and that made it sound like I did too. “Not that I want to settle down,” I added. “You know that’s not me.” There was a strange twitch in my chest.
“Why isn’t it you? I mean, it’s okay that it’s not, I just…I think you have more love to give than you think.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you start with me. It’s okay to want to be single.”
“Absolutely. I’m probably way off base, but sometimes I feel like you’re trying to be something you think you have to be or to keep yourself from being something else. Not sure that makes sense. Maybe I’m being weird.”
“Well, you are pretty weird,” I teased. Nat laid her head on my shoulder again, and I wrapped an arm around her. “I wouldn’t be good at that…being serious with someone. I’m not built that way anymore.”
“Anymore?”
Shit. I was fucking up all over the place tonight. I didn’t know what had gotten into me.
“Never mind.” I shook my head. “But you’ll be surprised to know I’m exclusively fucking around with someone. It’s not serious or anything, but we like spending time together. I really want to fuck him, and he’s not the kind of guy to be casual to the extent of not caring if I’m with someone else.” I had no idea why I told her that. It was as if something inside me wanted to share about Griff…was oddly proud or honored. I didn’t get it. The whole thing was fucked.
Frowning, Natalie pulled away from me. “Holy shit. I always wondered, but I thought…no way…they’re opposites in too many ways, and Griff is straight, but—”
“Wait. What? How did you come to the conclusion it was Griff from what I just said?”
“Because something changed with you guys a long time ago. And I can’t see you agreeing to be exclusive with some random guy. It would have to be someone you really care about and…my mind is a little blown right now, but then, it’s also not. You’re different with him. You have been for a while.”
There we went. I stood up. “Don’t start with the different stuff. I’m just the same with Griff as always.” It was a lie, and even I knew it.
“Um, yeah you are, Captain Liar Pants.” I cocked a brow at her, and she added, “It was the first thing that came to mind, but it fits.”
“No it doesn’t. I’m not Captain Liar Pants. We’re friends, and we’re having fun together. The end. I’m also feeling like an asshole right now because it wasn’t my place to tell you all this. I didn’t expect you to figure out who it was. This is Griff’s story to tell.”
“Oh, he’s doing it by himself?”
I shook my head. “No, but I’m always open about shit like that. He isn’t.” And this was new for him, and he’d never been with a guy before, and a hundred other reasons. Fuck, how in the hell had she figured out who it was?
“I won’t say anything. I won’t tell him I know.” Natalie set Grumpy Bear down, stood, walked over to me, and held my waist as she looked up at me. “I’m not sure why you’re afraid to be happy, Joshua Westbrook, but I know you are. I don’t know why you’re afraid to love someone, but I know you’re that too. Give yourself a chance, okay? Whether it’s with Griff or someone else.”
Her words struck something in my chest, made some of my edges soften, even as I told myself I didn’t want that. “You’re way off base, but I’ll keep that in mind.” Luckily, the doorbell rang. Saved by the pizza man.
Natalie dropped the subject of love and Griff after that. We had dinner, talked and laughed. I kissed her goodbye not long later.
I worked on my model car a bit, but my head was crowded with thoughts—about Griff, the things we’d done, how much I wanted to keep doing them. How Natalie realized it was him without me telling her, and what she’d said about us being different. Then Doug. It kept going back to him too often lately. All these thoughts were fighting out a war in my brain, making me edgy and unable to sit still, so I grabbed my stuff, my gaze darting to Grumpy Bear. I grabbed him as well and headed out.