Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
He made the quick walk across the property and went straight for the back door. “My stomach is growling. I can’t wait for your famous enchiladas,” he said as he walked in the door. He sounded normal. Happy. He was good at pretending.
“Hey, you.” She smiled at him from the table where she had her laptop in front of her. She closed it and added, “How are you today?”
“Good. Shop was busy, which is always nice. Makes the day go fast.” He washed his hands even though he didn’t need to. “Are you feeling better today?”
“I am. Resting helped yesterday. That was…that was a bad one. I’m sorry I called.”
“You’re supposed to call.”
“Am I?” she asked and Shane frowned.
“Of course, you are. That’s what family is for. Why do you ask that?”
She waved him off. “Nothing. It’s fine. I think dinner is done.”
She stood and moved her laptop off the table.
“I’ll help.” Shane got plates and silverware out while his mom pulled the enchiladas from the oven. They were perfectly browned and cheesy, yet he didn’t feel like eating. “They look great.”
“Thank you.”
The two of them made their plates and then sat at the table to eat the way they’d done a thousand times before. They talked about the weather and a medication her doctor mentioned they might want to try and the weeds that were growing in the flowerbeds.
They washed dishes together and Shane cleaned counters again before she pulled her puzzle out and set it on the table.
Shane sat next to her at the table, watching while she fit pieces in. His heart clenched and his chest ached like someone had taken a goddamn sledgehammer to it.
This was their lives. This is what their lives would always be. Especially for her. How fucking unfair was that? What the hell had either of them done to deserve this?
As though she could sense his unease, she stopped, looked over at him and nodded her head. Shane didn’t speak, just watched her watch him. Her eyes narrowed into small slits, crow’s feet deepening as she took him in. As she tried to figure him out.
“Talk to me, Shaney. I used to think you talked to me but I see now that you never really did. You’ve been good at giving the illusion that everything is fine, but it’s not. It hasn’t been for a long time, has it?”
He shook his head. That was the last thing he felt like doing. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Did you call it off with Van?”
He fought to school his features. Fought not to show how much just hearing those words ate through his heart like acid. “He lives in California. I live here. It was only a matter of time.”
“That’s not true.”
“I thought you wanted me with Ryan?” he asked, trying to make a joke out of it.
“I wanted you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, even though I’ve done a horrible job of that.”
Shane wanted to lock down his heart. Wanted to reinforce the walls, but he felt them begin to crack. He was scared he would start to resent her. Scared that the two of them would always be alone. “Nothing we live with is your fault.” How could he blame her for something she couldn’t control? Something that made her brain work a little differently?
“Yes and no,” she answered softly. “Letting you take responsibility is my fault.”
“You’re my mom. My family. I’m supposed to take care of you.”
“No, Shane.” She reached over and touched his hand. “I’m supposed to take care of you. Of myself. You go outside when you want or take a drive when you want. You work every day and go fishing, so I let myself believe it was okay. I didn’t let myself see that you’re trapped too. You’re in the same chains I am and you’ll never let yourself break free, because your heart is too big for that. You’d rather keep yourself locked away rather than feel like you’re abandoning me.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. Fought to steady his own breathing.
“You’re not him,” she said. “You’re not your father.”
No, no he wasn’t. He wouldn’t let himself be. Still. “You’re giving me too much credit, Mom.” He’d walked away from Van before Van could walk away from him. He used his mom for an excuse not to take a risk, because the thought of failing, scared the shit out of him.
“No, I don’t think I am. I spoke with my doctor about in-home care.”
Shane’s eyes snapped up at that. “You don’t need a stranger taking care of you.”
“No, but I could have a stranger help me take care of myself. And they wouldn’t be a stranger for long. That’s not all I’m doing.”
She stood, grabbed her laptop and opened it. “This is an intensive therapy program. It’s in-patient for sixty days—”