Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“What? No. You don’t need to be locked up.” Panic clutched at him.
“I’m already locked up, Shaney. I’ve been locked in my head for too long. I’m doing this with or without your support. It might help, it might not, but I’m tired of keeping the status quo. I’m tired of not trying. Who knows, maybe I could go see Van in LA sometime.”
His heart clenched at the name.
“I’m ready to fight. Watching you fall in love, seeing happiness at the tip of your fingers made me want more for myself too. Now, you just have to ask yourself, if you’re going to fight for that happiness too, Shane.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
As Van rode the elevator to his floor, he rolled the sleeves up on his white dress shirt. He hated wearing this shit. It wasn’t his thing, but he’d had a meeting about an exhibit and, well, shit, he was likely just a glutton for punishment. He’d been torturing himself in one way or another since he and Shane broke up a few weeks back.
To call or not to call?
But would it do any good? No one could make Shane see anything he didn’t want to see. You couldn’t love people into that, no matter how much you loved them. And he did, he loved Shane so much he fucking ached with it.
Van unbuttoned the collar just as the elevator doors dinged. He stepped into the hallway and got partway down when he saw a box sitting in front of his door.
Huh. That was weird.
He picked it up, didn’t study it too much. He unlocked the door, finished unbuttoning his shirt and left it hanging open. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and drank half of it down as he walked to the table, pushed the package aside and opened his laptop. Van spent a little time answering emails and editing some images. He made a few phone calls, ignored one from Ian because he didn’t want to hear his friend tell him to snap out of his broken heart. He didn’t want to snap out of it, damn it.
He’d been home a little over an hour before he eyed the box again. That was when he saw it, the small sticker on the side of the box that read, “Last Chance Collectibles.”
What the fuck?
He raced to the kitchen, found a knife and then went back to the table and opened the box.
Van’s hands shook as he pulled out the Styrofoam case. He used the knife on the tape and pulled the two halves apart. “Jesus fucking Christ, Shane,” he whispered softly.
It was a blown glass figure about twelve inches long—two bodies, both male, lying together, wrapped around each other in a kiss. It looked like a scene from the night they’d recorded themselves when Shane was there. Beneath the bodies, instead of a bed, was a heart.
“Oh fuck.” Jesus this man did a number on him. His heart rattled in his chest and his palms went sweaty. He knew what this was. Shane was giving Van his heart.
With shaky hands, he set Shane’s gift on the table and looked in the box. There was a flash drive inside. Immediately he stuck it in the computer and clicked play. He wasn’t sure if he wanted this to be a video of Shane jerking off for him or not.
“I feel stupid doing this.” Shane sat on the deck outside of his house. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done it this way? I don’t know. Felt fitting for us, ya know?”
Yeah, yeah he did.
“You’re right. I’m a coward. I’ve always been a coward. It was easier not to try, or to pretend my fear was because of my mom or my dad or whatever the fuck reason I could think of so I didn’t get hurt. People leave, Van. My dad, Caleb, even you. It wasn’t me you left, and I know why you did, but I wasn’t sure I could handle being left by you so I took the first out I was given and left you instead.”
He rubbed his hands on his jeans. “And I’m sorry, baby. So fucking sorry. If you take me back, I swear to God I’m all in. I’m not letting you get away from me anymore. You make me want to be someone better, yet make me proud of who I am too. Do you know how fucking rare that is? How rare you are?”
He shook his head. Smiled. “I love you. I love you so fucking much it scares me, because nothing has the power to hurt me like you do, but being without you scares me more. I’m not ready to walk away from you.” He repeated the words Van had said to him.
Van felt Shane’s words in his bones. They swam around in the marrow. I love you. I’m not ready to walk away from you.