Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
“Lev…”
He stands up. I do the same. This time, I feel my tibia pain in all its glory—even through the cast—and even though fresh tears spring into my eyes, it’s oddly satisfying to feel again.
For the longest time, the pills made me so numb to reality.
“I love you, and for me to continue to love you, I have to let you go. You need to do the same.”
“But Rosie made me promis—”
Lev cups my cheeks, bringing me close to his face. Our noses touch. His breath skates along my face, and I shiver with pleasure, like a junkie stealing a hit.
“I know what Mom asked. I’m asking you to disregard it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned recently, it’s that we need to try to rebuild our lives around the hole my mom left. I have to move on. Let. Me. Go.”
My nails sink into his arms, and I do the opposite of letting him go as I sob into his chest.
His breaths are labored and I can feel his heart jackhammering, threatening to pierce through his rib cage.
“I hate you,” I croak out, balling my hands into fists and pushing him away from me.
The garage door slides open. Dad is going to come out any minute now to start loading my stuff into the trunk. “I hate you so much.”
But I don’t hate him. I love him. I’m just angry that I lost him.
Lev wraps his arms around me, absorbing my punches. Even now, seconds before we say goodbye, I’m hurting him and he is taking it.
“I hate myself.” I change my tune, finally saying the truth now. “I hate myself so much.”
Lev angles my head down and presses a kiss to my scalp. “I love you.”
“Thalia stole my dove bracelet,” I hear myself sulk. Fuck, I’m such a big baby. “I would never have taken it off!”
He loosens his grip on me, stepping backward, toward his house. Before he turns around, he touches his lips again with his fingers. “Maybe you didn’t need it anymore.”
CHAPTER 39
Lev
Miserable Fa… Nope. Not doing this anymore. Life is too short to be obsessed with death. It is time to live without feeling like it’s somehow betraying Mom.
Dixie is waiting for me when I cross the street back to my house.
I can see her through a screen of unshed tears, peering through the kitchen window, like it’s amateur creeper hour or something.
I’ve always liked her, but recently she’s really been growing on me. What she did with the Air Force Academy application should win her a Bad Bitch award, even if I am now perpetually anxious I won’t make the cut.
Honestly, my chances aren’t looking great. I could’ve fluffed my résumé a lot more. Sent out more references and letters of recommendation.
When I push the door open, I hear Dad telling her, “…can’t believe you’re screening my calls when you’re right fucking here in my house. That’s some next-level bullshit, Dix.”
Eh. I see he is back to Dicks.
“I’m here for Lev, not for you. Besides, you never did call Jessica for that appointment,” Dixie explains wryly, strolling from the window to the patio, following my lead.
“Well, you’re here now, so—”
“Not for long. Knight is picking Lev and me up for dinner in ten minutes. Lev is having a day, you know. With Bailey going to rehab and everything.”
“You’re unbelievable.” Dad shoots her a glare. “Of course, I know! He’s my son! I should be the one taking them to dinner, not you.”
“Dude, no offense.” I down a Gatorade and smash the empty bottle in my fist. “You’re not much company right now, and I need to lick my wounds.”
Dixie turns to Dad with a serene smile. “You seem angry. Would you like me to return the keys to you?”
“No,” he bites out acidly. “Keep them. It’s only a matter of time until your rundown apartment needs something else fixed and you have to move in here again.”
“I happen to like my ‘rundown apartment’ quite a lot.” Dixie air quotes his miserable choice of words. “Every penny used to lease it was hard-earned and symbolizes my financial independence.”
Dad blushes. “Poor choice of words. That’s…that’s not what I meant.”
He loves her like a sister. Like she is family. And she feels like family, too. I realize that I might have created a monster that wasn’t really there with Dad and Dixie, pushing them together, pretending they could ever be a thing.
On the patio, Dixie hands me a cup of that bomb-ass bakery coffee. My usual order.
I accept it and take a sip.
“I did it.” I fish my dove bracelet from my sweatpants’ pocket. “She says Thalia stole hers.”
Fucking bitch. Thalia is high if she thinks I’m not getting it back.
Dixie gives me a sympathetic look. “I’m proud of you. I know it wasn’t easy, but she needed to know she has to fight for everything she’s ever taken for granted. The more you have at stake, the harder you fight.”