Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
I watch him in horror. I have a feeling I know where this is going.
He continues, “When you put the entire world on someone’s shoulders, don’t be surprised when they break their back. And when you sank, Bailey, my love for you began turning into hate.
I don’t want to hate you. I don’t want to dread every moment with you. But I am. Around you, I’m acting like a fuckboy who don’t keep himself in check. I break my own rules. I…” He rakes his fingers through his hair, which has grown. “I do shit with you I would never do with someone under the influence. There are no boundaries. There are no norms. I spent my entire life trying not to fall into the same life of thrill-seeking addiction my dad and brother struggled with. I don’t want to lose myself, even if it means gaining you.”
I know exactly what he means, even if I don’t want to. Normal Lev would die before taking advantage of someone who is high or drunk.
I made him loathe himself.
“We’ve done everything together ever since we were born. I think it’s time we stand alone.”
“I…I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through—”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” I insist.
“It doesn’t matter,” he says flatly.
My gaze lingers on my sneakers. I can feel him slipping away from me. From us.
“What were in the boxes you gave me?” I blurt out. I’ve been meaning to ask, but it was never the right time. “I mean, nothing, obviously, so I guess I missed an important gesture there.”
“A piece of the sky.” His smile is like a lick of sunray over my skin. “I’d go up to the roof of my house and cut you a piece every day. I wanted you to remember you have limitless options. Endless possibilities. Doves are good at finding direction. Ballet isn’t the beginning and the end of your life. And you’re my dove, so I know you’ll find your way. The sky is yours, Bailey.” His voice is so sad, so full, I can’t breathe. “Yours to find your way again. So just…just forget about Juilliard and ballet and competitions for a second and think about you.”
Feelings clog my throat, and everything is beautiful and ugly at the same time.
“I need you to do me a favor while I’m in rehab,” I hear myself say.
“Of course,” he says. “Anything.”
“Payden.” I turn to look at him, gathering my knees in my hands.
Lev’s face clouds. “I’m not doing Payden, no matter how fond I am of you.”
Attempting a smile, I explain, “Payden was my dealer. My guess is he isn’t dealing anymore, but…I can’t be certain.”
“Oh shit. He might be still doing that,” Lev murmurs under his breath.
“For months, I’ve walked around with this hole in my chest that I’m letting him get away with what he did. My last thought before I go to bed every day is—has he killed anyone yet? So I did a thing.” I lick my lips, reaching for the duffel bag next to me and pulling out a preprinted stack of papers. “I typed out my entire statement for you to give to the police, including my contact number in rehab. All his details are there too. I’m going to be available to them.”
Lev grabs the papers, tucking them under his arm. “Consider it done.”
“Thank you.” I try to smile again. Fail—again. “I really appreciate it.”
There’s an awkward silence.
This is brutal. I’ve never experienced awkward silence with Lev before. Maybe before we learned how to talk.
“I’m glad you’re going to rehab,” he says.
“So am I,” I huff, adding bitterly, “It helps that my schedule is all cleared up, now that Juilliard kicked me out and my parents refuse to let me stay in their house unless I graduate rehab.”
He doesn’t crack a smile. “You need to go in there knowing you’ve lost everything. To fight for it back, you understand?”
“Not everything.” I hang my gaze on his face anxiously. “I still have you, right?”
It is in that moment that I do lose everything.
In the moment when Lev fingers his dove pendant, then slowly removes it from his wrist.
We’re both watching, mesmerized. It is like he is cutting off a limb or something.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without it since the time he gave me mine. I hurry to touch mine, then realize Thalia stole it. The doves are gone.
When we look up at each other, we both have tears in our eyes.
His nose is red. He is that close to crying. And if he realized my bracelet is not with me anymore, he hasn’t said anything.
Maybe it’s best. Maybe I don’t want to know what he has to say about my losing it.
“I’m sorry, Dove. We’ll always have the past, but your present needs to be yours, and you can’t have my future.”