Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
I’m only pretending to be alive.
I’m sure my heart is as flatlined as that of a plastic straw.
I can’t think straight.
I can’t see straight.
I can’t…
“You’re going to get all of us killed if you don’t watch the fucking road!” Dad hollers at me from the passenger seat, slapping my chest to snap me back into focus.
“Shit. Sorry.” I rub at my eyes.
“Let me drive,” Knight demands from the back seat.
“No, I can do this.”
“You violated every traffic rule ever recorded on earth and some that haven’t been enforced yet,” Dad points out.
But we need to get to the hospital. Fast. That’s where the ambulance took Bailey when Jaime found her unresponsive on her bedroom carpet. I darted upstairs and saw her.
Saw everything. How she lay there, pale and angelic and dead looking.
The PTSD crashed through me like a freight train. I had avoided seeing Mom like this in her coffin only to see the girl I love looking very much unalive.
“You need to calm the fuck down!” Knight shouts from the back seat of my speeding Tesla. Because that always helps things.
Ignoring him, I turn to Dad. “Can you call Mel and ask her if there’s any news?”
A part of me is scared there’s bad news they don’t want to share with me.
I’m trying to remind myself this isn’t about me, but it feels about my sorry ass. It’s unfair that I have to bury my mother and the love of my life four years apart. And it seems supremely unfair that said love of my life brought this shit on herself.
Dad puts his phone on speaker and shoots me a look. “Eyes on the road, Levy.”
I’m cutting past cars on the right lane, beeping people, stealing red lights.
Mel picks up, breathless. “Dean.”
“Any news?” His voice is apologetic. “Sorry for pestering, but Lev…” He doesn’t have to complete the sentence.
“She’s in ICU. They’re putting her in a medically induced coma. Dean, I can’t… I don’t know if I can survive this. Twice in two months. I’m not that strong. I’m not.”
“Mel…” Dad’s voice breaks.
In the background, I can hear Jaime yelling at someone, “She is my daughter and I want some answers, goddammit!”
Somehow, we make it to the parking lot of the hospital. I trudge my way to the corridors of the ICU.
Dad and Knight have their arms on me from either side. They expect me to collapse any minute now.
When I reach the end of the hallway, where a couple blue plastic chairs are positioned in front of a closed door, I spot Jaime on the floor, his face in his hands, his back shaking.
“No!” I shoulder off Dad’s and Knight’s touch, rushing to him. I fall to the floor, grabbing Jaime by the shoulders and jerking him upright. I’m shaking him frantically. “No, Jaime. Tell me it’s not true.”
He doesn’t say anything.
I’ve read this script before. Tragedies happen. Every day. And the author of my life, they killed Mom already. Why the fuck stop there when they can throw another curveball?
“Jaime, no.”
“Lev, he needs a moment,” Dad says.
“NO. Fuck that.”
“Get off of him, Levy.” I feel Knight’s hands on my back. I slap them off.
I go wild. Kick. Flail. Scream. I feel arms. And hands. And tears raining down on me. People are carrying me away from that door.
But I don’t relent.
I stay.
CHAPTER 35
Dixie
The day of the Air Force Academy deadline
Lev leaves, a trail of his expensive aftershave lingering in his wake. I hear the door slam behind him and loiter in the kitchen for a few more seconds.
I know he told me not to butt into his business. Several times, in fact. I heard him loud and clear. But I can’t stand here and watch this bright, beautiful, overwhelmed kid make the biggest mistake of his life.
Take it from me—opportunities have the tendency not to knock on your door twice.
I know Dean doesn’t want Lev to join the military, become a pilot, put his life on the line.
But that stems from Dean’s inability to move on. To embrace risks, new prospects, and changes. If Dean chooses to be stuck in the same place forever, that’s on him.
And on you, for dallying around, waiting for the leftovers Rosie left behind.
Point is, none of it is Lev’s fault. He deserves a shot at happiness. At devouring the world greedily, sinking his teeth into it like it’s a juicy fruit rather than a bite of something he never wanted to sustain another man’s vitality.
He’s worked hard for it. But he’ll never go against his father’s will.
Pushing the hesitation and self-doubt to the back of my mind, I swiftly make my way to the laptop sitting at the table. I slide into Lev’s deserted seat and double-click on the browser again. The Air Force Academy website pops in front of me.
There are only a few more seconds before the browser will automatically refresh and everything Lev put into this is going to disappear. It is now or never. And never is a terribly long time.