Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 58346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
After hearing Roman’s explanation of what really happened—the fact that it was role playing with another couple, not him being in a secret relationship with another woman he met, added to the relieving discovery he never would’ve touched her in his role anyway—I do feel better than I did when I walked in here. I believe what he said is his truth. I believe he’s being honest about his intentions and his feelings when it was all set up with them. And I still haven’t fully processed watching my husband break down and cry while he apologized on the floor at my feet, begging for my forgiveness.
I’m not sure I actually want to though, because seeing him that way hurt my heart in a way I never thought it could after being broken that night in January. I don’t want to see him in pain. I don’t want the love of my life to hurt, even if he did hurt me first. An eye for an eye could never work for us, because causing him pain would cause me pain, and the scales would never be balanced.
But I will say I’m not quite ready to go home and be alone with Roman just yet. I feel raw and vulnerable right now, and his anxiousness to prove his faithfulness to me and me alone is too overwhelming. I’d be weak and forgive him for the moment, then regret it when the pain returned soon after, once I got my bearings again. Just like when a doctor prescribes a series of antibiotics and tells you to finish the pack even if you feel better before it’s empty—if you stop taking the medicine that’s helping you heal at the first sign of recovering, there’s a huge chance there are still tiny bits of the illness that could come along and flare up later on, since you didn’t finish the processes that would knock out all of it and leave nothing behind.
If I try to hurry up and get past what Roman did instead of taking the full time and work it’ll require to recover, then there’s a high probability unnecessary pain will pop up in the future. Arguments to start when something triggers the memory of finding the texts. Suspicion to arise when he receives a message. Jealousy to become unbearable when we’re at the club and I see his eyes on anyone other than me.
So it would be safer—smarter for the healing process—if I allow Dr. Walker to teach me, or us, depending on what his focus will be on, some things about what we spoke about in the last hour. Instead of wrapping up for now and heading home.
“I don’t have anywhere else to be, since I took the rest of the day off, so it’s totally up to Savannah. I’m good with whatever you decide, baby,” Roman inserts, and I nod.
“I’d like to hear what you have to say about all this, Doc.”
“Great. Well…” He looks at his notes, using the top end of his pen to skim down the page as his eyes follow. I adjust on the leather cushion nervously, and when he spots what he was looking for, he circles something, then meets our gazes. Mine is no doubt hesitant, anxiety starting to fester since he gave no hint of what he’ll be addressing. But when I glance at my husband, his is open and eager, listening intently to absorb all the knowledge Dr. Walker has to offer, no matter what subject the man will be educating us on.
CHAPTER FIVE
DOC
There’s so much love between the couple sitting on the couch opposite me. I can’t help but to put myself in Roman’s position as I listen to them explain to each other all the thoughts they’ve kept bottled up inside them.
While I don’t have the same kink as the man, it’s my job to understand the psychology of it, and it might be surprising for them to learn that it’s an abundantly common desire that otherwise monogamous males fantasize about. But it’s a significantly fewer number of them who actually talk about it, much less act on it.
I have to breathe for a moment, to keep my own emotions in check at the mere millisecond I pictured allowing another man to touch my own wife, so I slide my pen down my notes as if reading them. But inside my head, the faceless man’s hand simply caressing down my beautiful Astrid’s scarred back is suddenly snatched away from her skin, his wrist gripped violently in my tight fist as I break his fingers one by—
The sound of the leather creaking as one of them moves in their seat breaks me out of my morbid thoughts, and I scribble something on the paper before looking up once again.
“The first thing I’d like you to know is there is nothing strange or even unique about what Roman desires. That is one of the reasons why poly relationships exist, a relationship consisting of multiple partners in a countless number of combinations. But we won’t get into that, because that’s not on his radar. Am I correct in that assumption?” I direct the question to him, and he nods.