Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 79147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Hayden had relayed their conversation a few days after it happened. Tiny has some kind of business or something and might be able to help Hayden with a job. “He hook you up?” I ask.
He nods but doesn’t look quite as happy as he should.
“What’s wrong? Is it not what you expected? If it’s not a good deal, don’t take it but if you think it could turn into something good…”
“No…it’s not that. It’s actually pretty incredible. I’ll be making good money and they’ll help with school. It’s not a guarantee, but Tiny thinks I have a good shot. If I’m interested, we’ll start the interview process.”
“What the fuck, dude? This is awesome. Why do you look so mopey? Are you nervous?” I ask. “I know new shit can be scary but you’re crazy smart, Hayden. This job sounds like a good opportunity.”
“The job is in Chicago,” he replies.
Oh. Fuck. That changes things. “Well, hey. At least you’ll already know someone there,” I tell him. “Finn lives in Chicago, right?” Trying to ignore the empty feeling in my chest, I grab my plate and walk into the kitchen. This is a good opportunity for Hayden. Nothing else matters.
“I don’t give a shit about Finn, Cody, and don’t pretend he’s what you’re thinking about either. If I get this job, I’ll have to move to Chicago next month.”
Next month. Holy shit, that’s quick.
I set my plate in the sink, and he steps up beside me. “I don’t know what to do.” He puts a hand on my waist and turns me so I face him. I can see the war he’s waging with himself clearly on his face. He wants this job; he wants it so fucking bad he can taste it…and he should want it too, but he’s also worried about us. We’re too new to try some kind of long-distance shit. But if we’re too new for that, we’re also too new for him to put his life on hold for me, for him to pass up a good opportunity that could be a real future for him.
“Yes, you do,” I tell him. “You know exactly what you have to do.” He’d resent me if he didn’t. He’d resent us. He’d always wonder. “You have to try. You’ll spend your whole fucking life regretting it if you don’t. You’ll always wonder, and I won’t be the guy who makes you wonder what could have been.”
“What about us?” he asks, a rawness in his voice that I feel in my chest. He looks down, and damned if the pain I see in the set of his body, hear in the sound of his voice doesn’t rip my insides apart.
“If we’re meant to be, we’ll happen, boo. We knew from the start we were just testing the waters, seeing what would happen. We had fun, we like each other, but this is your life. That’s a whole lot more important than some guy you met a few months ago, no matter how good a lay I am.”
He doesn’t laugh, and I knew he wouldn’t. I don’t feel like it either. “Plus, you know where to find me. It’s not like you’ll never come back. I’ll always make time to hook up with you.” Each word I speak makes me feel hollower inside…like they’re emptying me out by the second. They feel like lies but they can’t be. Everything I said is true. This is his life. He has to think of himself first. We haven’t even been seeing each other very long. I’d never forgive myself if I held him back because we like fucking each other, watching movies together and shit like that. Those truths taste bitter though, like a pill I don’t want to swallow and gets lodged in my throat.
“You’re trying to pretend you don’t care, but you do. It means the world to me that you’re trying to do what’s best for me, but don’t pretend like you don’t care, Cody.”
His other hand grasps my hip and he pulls me close. Sighing, I grab him back the same way. “I know…I care.”
“I care too…I’m sweet on you, remember?” he tries to tease.
Yeah, we’re sweet on each other. “Doesn’t change what we both know you need to do, though.”
I close my eyes, lean my forehead against his. “Remember what I wrote for Math Man? Saving the world and shit. I said you have dreams to follow; looks like it’s time to follow them.”
***
The last few weeks before Hayden leaves fly by. We have a going away party for him—both Doc and Travis are on my ass about him every chance they get. Why are you letting him go? Are you okay? Tie his ass to the bed and fuck him until he can’t handle the thought of leaving you. That last one, of course, comes from Travis.