Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
“What happened to you this morning?” he asked. “I thought you were super excited to go zip-lining?”
I had been. “The heights thing got to me.” That wasn’t exactly the truth, but I didn’t really want to talk about it.
“You said you loved heights, though?”
Crap, I did say that. “Heights from like a plane, not a rope tied between two massive trees.”
Benji’s brow arched. He was wearing an olive-green shirt that made his tan pop and his eyes seem to glow.
“I, um.” Fine, I’ll just say it. “I was also nervous about the weight limit.”
There, the real reason why I hadn’t joined the Gold family on their adventure that morning. It initially sounded like a blast, and I had been looking forward to it all week. Until I realized that I was pushing close to the 250 lb weight limit. I wasn’t at that weight yet, but I was close enough to feel nervous. Not so much that the ropes would snap and send me plummeting to the jungle floor; it was more so the embarrassment I’d suffer having to be turned away. It legit was one of my biggest fears, heights being nowhere on the list.
“Seriously? You would have been totally fine, Rex. And if they did end up saying anything, I would have turned around with you, and we could figure out something else to do.” His smile felt warm and genuine. “We can go again tomorrow if you’re down? Just you and me. You’d love it, I swear. It was incredible.”
“It sounds incredible, but…” My insecurities rose up like a sun-blocking tidal wave. I looked down, my body feeling like a prison all of a sudden.
I’d always been big, even as a little boy. I was taller than everyone in my classes, and I’d started growing wider than them, too. After my mom passed five years ago… well, it was game over. I hadn’t stepped on a scale since then, having turned to eating to help with the constant pain I felt thinking about her.
And then came the insults. The snide comments. The flat-out bullying. I’d grown a tough skin throughout high school, but it wasn’t tough enough to stop the trauma from setting in. I still didn’t even feel comfortable driving past a high school, remembering the relentless torture I’d received from the other kids.
All that trauma, all those names, all those looks, it all came bubbling up to the surface. Unexpected and powerful. I took a deep breath but couldn’t stop myself from letting out a rogue cry. Benji sat up, his eyes widening. He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, which only made matters worse.
“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my cheeks and feeling like an idiot.
“For what?” Benji leaned in a little, his eyes meeting mine. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. You’re perfect the way you are, Rex, and I’m not just saying that. I really do think it. So what if you’ve got a little extra around your waist? People love that.” His smile grew. “I love that.”
A self-deprecating laugh fell from my lips. Benji wasn’t one to say things he didn’t mean, but still, I couldn’t take him seriously. Benji was a trophy-winning sports star with a body that clearly saw the inside of a gym multiple times a day. Even here, on vacation, I’d see Benji working out, doing crunches by the beach, playing basketball with the kids from around the sanctuary, even lifting huge bags of animal food as a substitute for weights.
Meanwhile, I felt like an overweight slob. “There’s no way anyone can love this.” I placed two hands on my stomach and shook.
“I’m telling you right now that I do. And I’m a thousand percent sure I’m not the only one.” He looked me straight in the eyes. “And it doesn’t even matter what I say, or what anyone else says. The only person who needs to love you is you.” He put a hand on my chest. It felt different and right and perfect and so, so fucking needed.
“You’ve got to love yourself, Rex.”
“Coming from Mr. Olympian here, that means a lot.”
“I’m far from an Olympian.” He took his hand back, leaving a warmth on my chest.
“Thank you, Benji. Even though you’re like four years younger than me, I still look up to you, no matter what Mav says. I was feeling like shit this morning, and I didn’t think I’d be feeling better anytime soon. I was wrong. I should have known, too. As long as you’re around, it’s pretty much impossible for me to feel like shit.”
Benji dropped his head, as if he were bashful. Of what? And were his cheeks turning pink?
Fuck. He doesn’t even know how I feel about him…
“Benji, there’s something else we have to talk about.”
I had to do it. This couldn’t wait any longer. I knew I was bisexual, and I knew I had growing feelings for Benjamin Gold, and I knew I had to say it all out loud. My dad and stepmom were hundreds of miles away. Benji was telling me to love myself, but I had been keeping a huge part of myself stuffed down, making it impossible to even start the process of loving who I was.