Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 80564 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80564 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“What do you want me to do?” I ask him, drying my eyes with the side of my hand and trying to get a hold of myself.
He pushes a notepad and a pen on the table towards me.
“Write to Tess. Give her a reason to hold on.”
I look at the paper like it’s a gun pointed at me. What the hell do I tell her? What in the hell can I say? Will it make a difference to her now, after the way we parted months ago? I pick up the pen, ignoring the way my hand shakes.
Hell.
Madison’s First Birthday Party
I watch as my daughter screams in pleasure each time Dusty throws her up in the air. She’s such a happy child. I’m thankful for that. She’s kept me going this last year. It’s been hard. I’ve lost count of the nights my pillow has held me and taken my tears while I’d read the latest letter from Max. That’s the only contact I’ve had with him for a year. Just letters. He’d send one with Marcum, and I’d send one back once a month with pictures of Maddie. I wanted to go and see him, but he asked me not to. He told me how much it hurt to see me and not be able to hold me. It upset me, but so much about Max does. He apologized for the day in prison when he pushed me away. I understood, but I’d be lying if I said it still wasn’t painful. I don’t know how I’m going to react to seeing Max again. I’m excited, nervous, and petrified. I’m scared as hell.
I need to figure it out soon because Marcum called twenty minutes ago to let me know he has Max, and they’re headed here. That means any minute now Max will be showing up at the party. I will lay eyes on the man that I loved…still love…even after all this time. I don’t know what to do with that. I’m not sure I even believe it. We have so much to discuss. We have so much to decide. And Max…he’s missed so much. Things he’ll never get back. How will he handle that? The party is suddenly suffocating me. Panic is overwhelming me.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Cherry asks with her hand on my shoulder. I hadn’t even realized she was in front of me.
“I…I’m scared, Cherry,” I admit. Cherry understands, she’s been the only person I’ve been able to let in. She listens and lets me cry. I can be weak with her.
“Do you want us all to leave?” She asks, but the thought of facing Max on my own is worse. How did we get here? How did I get afraid to see the father of my child?
“No…I just need a minute to regroup. I’m going to take Maddie down to the water for a few minutes.”
“Okay, honey, I’ll make sure the boys are occupied and have plenty of food. The others have the babies.”
“Thanks.”
I go to get my girl from Dusty, which isn’t easy. The big guy is almost as attached to her as Marcum is. Luckily Maddie is easy going. She climbs into my arms without a second thought.
“Mom-mom,” she says her little hands grasping out towards me. I take her in my arms, her sweet smell surrounding me, and her warmth reaching through my nerves and instantly I feel better. Maddie has that much power.
“Let’s go and find shells, sweet baby,” I tell her, knowing it is her favorite pastime. She squeals in delight, just as I knew she would.
I hold her close and go down to the edge of the ocean. I look out over the water, trying to calm my thoughts and prepare myself for Max.
“Mom-mom!” Maddie yells, demanding attention. She’s squirming and pushing against my chest, doing her best to get down. She’s not been walking long, her feet are still unsteady, but I always let her go when we’re on the beach, as long as I keep me between her and the water. It’s her favorite thing, she laughs when she falls, and the sound of my daughter’s laugh is, to me, the most beautiful sound in the world. I let her slide to the ground and lead her back to the beach away from the water. We sit down, and luckily it has been cloudy, so the sand isn’t too hot. I pull Maddie between my legs and reach around helping her to shovel through the sand with our hands. Maddie laughs as the sand covers her feet. I smile, despite my worries.
“Hi.”
It’s one word. One word, from a voice that I remember, but haven’t heard in so long, so long that I was beginning to forget the tone and the way the timber of it sends shivers of awareness through my system. I hold my gaze down on Maddie’s head and then slowly shift it to Max’s feet. Just as slowly, I let it travel the length of his body until I rest on his face. There should be something I could say here. Something—anything. Nothing comes though. My voice is frozen in my throat. My heart is pounding.