Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 141255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
I didn’t know how to finish.
“Thought we were havin’ problems? Thought I was pulling away?” he offered.
“The K-kruna stuff is so ugly, Dare. I started to wonder if you knew more, if you’d seen Jason’s tapes. If you knew how bad, how dirty I am.”
“What?”
“I’m tainted. I’m dirty. I’m too dirty for you.” Too needy, too broken.
“What the fuck? You can’t be serious.”
I sobbed.
“I haven’t watched any of Jason’s tapes. I wouldn’t ever watch them. Never. I’m not some sick fuck who gets off on watching people hurt you. That motherfucker is whacked, baby. I wouldn’t ever watch them. And if someone tied me down and made me watch them it would not ever mean that I’d look at you as dirty. You’re not dirty, baby.”
“I am.”
“You’re not!” he said fiercely. “Tell me. Tell me all of it and you’ll know it won’t affect how I feel.”
“It will.”
“It won’t.”
“It has to.”
“Try me.”
“Fine. Wanna hear how they waterboarded me for hours with seawater? Do you know what torture waterboarding is? It meant I never wanted to be in water again. I panicked for months even in the shower, Dare.”
“Baby.”
“It’s torture, Dare. But that doesn’t make me dirty, that just makes me messed up in the head. Need to know the details of being locked in the dark with a rabid priapic monster for four days while he fucked me repeatedly in every hole, not feeding me, not giving me more than a few sips of water per day and the only other thing I had to drink was his cum?”
His eyes were hard and he was working his jaw muscles.
“Wanna hear how I got my mouth washed out with piss for swearing at a trainer?”
“Okay, enough.”
“No. Not nearly enough. You didn’t really know what you were asking for but I’ll tell you what you need to know. ‘Cause you need to know how I got tortured for hours with vibrators tied to me in punishment for making myself come, how my ass bled for two days after being double anal penetrated by two men. Do you really wanna know about me being suspended upside down and hog tied while no less than a dozen men took turns fucking my mouth? And don’t even get me started on Jason’s uncle. You want a play-by-play?”
“Stop.”
“No, I thought you wanted to know the truth, Dare. Does all that help you feel like you know me better? How about I tell you how I felt when they finally broke me by doing all sorts of horrendous things to me after over more than two weeks, almost three, and the final breaking straw was them showing me that they had my 15 year old sister hog tied in a cargo plane and in the photo frame were no less than seven naked penises surrounding my blindfolded child of a sister and they were about to take her virginity on camera and make me watch if I didn’t finally give in. They were then going to bring her here and make me watch them do to her all the things they’d done to me and they threatened to tie a Hitachi between my legs so I’d have no choice but to come over and over while I watched them ruin her. Now that you know that stuff, that stuff that only gives you the quick and dirty, only the highlights of things that were done to me while they were breaking me, tell me, Master…how filthy and tarnished am I to you now? You can’t tell me you’d even think of making such a broken, dirty, ruined shell of a woman the mother of your babies. Right? Am I right?”
“Shut it. On your knees in front of me right fucking now.” He was completely furious.
I wanted to ask, “What?” but I didn’t dare. I stared at him for a beat and the look on his face was scary. Crazy scary. He pointed to the floor, a scowl on his face.
“Now!” he yelled and I dropped to my knees in front of him and stared at his feet. My heart hammered hard in my chest.
He dropped to his knees too, surprising me. Then he spoke and he did it gruffly.
“I do want to know everything. I want you to know everything, too. All my secrets. Believe me, I feel dirty sometimes, too, baby. But I want you to own me, too. So, here.” He pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket and spilled the contents on the rug between us.
It was a folded piece of paper and two ring boxes.
“Marriage license. Wedding rings. I was planning to do this with hearts and flowers and some romantic grand gesture but you need to know right here, right now that I’m all in, no matter what, Angel.”
I choked on a sob. He wasn’t done.