Total pages in book: 30
Estimated words: 27599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
“Because you need to start facing this more,” Blaze told me.
I clenched my jaw. “I am facing it, Blaze. I’m fucking carrying the kid,” I bitterly reminded him.
He cut me that look that warned me I was treading on thin ice with him. “Doesn’t mean you’re facing it, Montana. Even your therapist thought going baby shopping would be a good idea for you.”
I was sorely regretting giving her consent to talk to Jonah, Blaze, and John about my progress. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be fucking baby shopping today.
“I’m signing a form when I get to her office later to have you taken off the list,” I snapped.
He shoved me against the side of the truck, pressing his body against mine. My heart lurched into my throat. The baby nudged my belly, and by Blaze’s quick glance downward, I knew he felt it, too.
“You want to lash out, sweetheart, be prepared to get it back, you hear me?” I licked my suddenly dry lips. He cupped the side of my neck, his thumb applying the slightest bit of pressure to the front of my throat. “Now, instead of lashing out, close your eyes and take a deep breath.”
I did as he instructed, closing my eyes and inhaling a deep breath in through my nose before slowly releasing it from my mouth. He brushed his lips to my eyebrow. “Again.”
I did it again, my lips trembling this time. He tightened his hold on my neck, holding me together. “One more time, sweetheart.”
I did it again, and this time, a tear ran down my cheek. He moved, and Jonah took his place, pulling me into his arms as I began to silently cry. “There you go,” Jonah whispered into my hair. “Just let it out. It’s okay.”
I sniffled, listening as John helped Blaze finish loading everything up into the back of the truck. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I croaked.
“You’re not a mess,” Jonah gently told me. “You’re healing, baby girl. All of this is normal. And you’re doing so well, healing so beautifully, you hear me?”
I nodded my head and gripped his shirt, clinging to him. He tightened his arms around me in response.
Tinsley smiled at me when I stepped into her office. I didn’t return it—just took a seat on her couch. “How did it go today?” she asked me.
I blew out a harsh breath. “Not as bad as it could have been, but Blaze stopped it from getting too bad,” I told her honestly.
“What happened?”
I drew in a deep breath, telling her about how Jonah and Blaze got in touch with John, and the three of them stuck with me in the store. “I lashed out at Blaze when they were loading up the truck,” I told her.
“Hmm,” she hummed. “And how did that go?”
I smiled a little wryly. “Well, Blaze applied pressure to my throat.” She arched a brow at me. I sighed. “I know, I know. I’m supposed to be stepping away from coping with pain.” She nodded her head at me, looking down at my hand. I looked down as well, surprised to see I was rubbing the scar on my thigh. I frowned.
“You do that a lot,” she commented. “We’ll come back to it. Continue telling me about today.”
I stilled my fingers. When the hell had I started rubbing my scar? “I, um, he forced me to take three deep breaths, and then I started crying. Took a nap when we got home. I was so exhausted.”
She nodded. “I’m proud of you for coping, but we need to keep working on lashing out less,” she said. I knew that, but I nodded anyway. “But you’re making a lot of progress, Montana. And you need to focus more on trying to cope on your own. Be your own hero.”
Being my own hero sounded terrifying. Because back when I was trying to be my own hero, I was addicted to drugs and fighting all the time to escape the shit in my head.
“Being my own hero sounds terrifying,” I confessed. I looked down at my thigh, surprised to see I was back to rubbing the scar. “That’s how I got this.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
I shrugged. “Came from someone that used to hate me,” I told her, leaving it at that.
She got a knowing look in her eye but didn’t say anything on it. It didn’t surprise me that she figured it out. After all, Blaze was always the one to inflict pain on me when I was lost in my head.
Sometimes, I wondered if he stabbed me that day to save me from myself before it was too late.
“I want you to start writing to your baby,” she told me out of the blue. I jerked my eyes up to hers in surprise.
“Write to my baby?” I asked in confusion.