Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 56149 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56149 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
I hear him move, coming to the other side of the bed so I’m once again looking at him. He drops to his knees next to the bed.
“If you don’t eat, you're going to get sick.” He pauses for a second, running his hands through his messy hair. I have the urge to reach out and fix it, but I clench my hand into a fist so that I don’t. “This is killing me, baby. I love you. Just…”
I don’t want to hear what he has to say. The walls I have up are already shaking just looking at him. The miserable look on his face is killing me. I hate it, but I can't seem to bring myself to swipe it away for him.
“If you stop talking, I’ll eat.” His jaw clenches, but he nods his head as he stands and leaves the room.
He comes back moments later with a tray in hand. It must have been sitting right outside the door. The sight of the pancakes and bacon makes my stomach growl loudly. Sean scowls at the sound, like my being hungry is making him angry.
“It’s your fault I haven’t eaten. If I was home, I bet I would have eaten by now,” I say defensively. That’s probably not true. I’d most likely be in bed, curled up and crying about Sean not being who I thought he was.
What’s just as scary is when I think about what would have happened if he’d left me behind. I’d never see him again. That thought seems more painful than this.
I sit up and let him place the tray over my lap. He goes back to his chair in the corner to sit in silence like I asked. I want to snap at him to leave, but then he probably would. I like when he’s close, even if I want to smack him.
When the first bite of fluffy pancake and sweet syrup hits my lips, I moan. I look up in time to see Sean adjusting himself in his chair. His erection is clear as day, even from across the room. He licks his lips, and I wonder if he’s thinking about my food, or still tasting me on his lips from earlier.
I get halfway through my food when the silence becomes too much.
“Why am I here?” I finally ask. Maybe if I ask the questions, I can control the conversation.
“Because I can’t live without you.” His tone is so matter-of-fact that I just stare at him. My heartbeat picks up at his words. I can’t live without you. God, I want to run and jump into his lap. Those words seem so much deeper than an ‘I love you.’
I can’t live without you
“You’re a liar. I can’t trust anything you say,” I tell him, wanting the words to be true. I want him to make me believe him.
“I’ve never once lied to you.”
“You said you were looking at my bank to set up an account,” I throw back at him. He never intended to open an account with us; he just used that lie to talk to me.
“No, I said I was looking at your bank for work. You took it as I wanted to set up an account. I never said that.”
I drop my fork down onto the plate. “It was a lie. Spin it how you like.” My appetite is gone once again, but I ate more than half of what he gave me.
He takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair.
The silence starts again.
“Why did you do this?” My words come out in a whisper. Wasn’t there another way to have gone about this if he wanted me? Was the bank robbery more important than me?
“The wheels were in motion before I ever even saw you. I couldn’t stop it by then. It was all too late. I could only do what I did.”
“I don’t know what that means, Sean. If that’s even your real name!” I scream out the last part. I don’t even know if the man I’ve fallen in love with is real.
Leaning forward, he places his elbows on his knees. I can see the dark circles under his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. I know he crawls into bed with me each night and leaves before I wake up, leaving only his smell behind.
“I’m still the man you fell in love with, Tessa,” he shoots back, understanding what I was trying to get out. “The person I’ve been when I’m with you is who I am. The things I whispered in your ear when we made love. When I held you tight and told you I wanted a family. When I stroked your belly, dreaming of our baby growing in there. It was all true. Every. Single. Thing.”
“You used me,” I retort. I think I’m trying to remind myself of this more than remind him.
“I had no choice. The people I got mixed up with were already planning to use you, and I couldn’t let that happen. I tried, baby. I swear I did. I went back to call it all off and to wipe my hands clean. I wanted to be able to try to get you myself. Normal boy-meets-girl shit. But like I said, they already had you in their sights, and I wasn’t letting them touch you. No one touches what’s mine, and you are mine. It was too late, and the only thing I could do was make sure you were protected in all of it. Make sure that no matter what, you and I made it.” The look he gives me dares me to challenge that, but I say nothing “You might be fighting it, but you know it’s true. Just like I’m yours. I always have been. You’ve been mine before you ever knew I existed.”
A lump forms in my throat. I don’t want to cry anymore. I’ve already cried so much. He must see it in my eyes, the tears trying to break free.