Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Tears tracked down my cheeks as I looked back up at him. “I thought you hated me,” I whimpered.
He shook his head. “Meg, I could never hate you. You’ve always been like a little sister to me. I just hate that I never got you the help you needed before it got this bad.”
“I spiraled,” I confessed. “It was fast. I barely realized how deep I was in my depression until I was here and trying to get better.” I swallowed thickly. “It was dark, Vince.” I sniffled. “It was so fucking dark.”
“I wish you had come to me,” Vince admitted. “Every damn day, I wonder what would have happened if I checked up on you more or if you actually opened up to me about what you were feeling.” He shook his head. “I guess everything happens for a reason, but it doesn’t make it suck any less. I felt like I failed you in so many damn ways, Meghan.”
I swiped at my cheeks. “I failed myself, Vince,” I told him honestly. “I pushed away everyone that cared about me.” I drew in a deep, shaky breath. “I even pushed Julian to the edge, and that’s saying something because he’s always adamant about getting and keeping something that he wants.” More tears slid down my cheeks, that familiar ache blooming in my chest for Julian. “I always swore that I would never be anything like my mother, and yet, I turned to the same poison she did. I became no better than she was.”
“You’re nothing like her,” Vincent swore. He reached over and grabbed my hand. “Meghan, you are not your mother.”
I gave him a small smile. “I never said that I was, Vincent. I just said that I turned into her. For a split moment in my life, I turned into my mother. I turned to drugs because I didn’t want to deal with the harshness that my reality had become. I turned to the same poison that she did.” I pressed the heel of my hand against the center of my chest as my heart squeezed painfully. “I became the same kind of monster she was.”
“Breathe, Meghan,” Dr. Gresham ordered, bringing the conversation to a halt. I sucked in a sharp breath as my lungs began to cry for oxygen. “Meghan, you need to breathe,” Dr. Gresham said, his voice a tad bit snappy to break through my panic.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Dr. Gresham applied pressure between my shoulder blades. “Meghan, I need you to focus on my voice, okay? You’re here in the center. You’re safe,” Dr. Gresham assured me. I felt the familiar touch of Axel’s calloused hands on mine, and I squeezed them, trying to ground myself to the present.
“Think of your happy place,” Dr. Gresham soothed as breathing became a little easier for me.
Julian instantly flashed into my mind. It was the day that we created our baby—the day he made me realize I was so much more than what had happened to me, that I was still a goddess in his eyes despite the scars covering my body and my heart.
My breathing slowed, becoming more regulated the longer I pictured our time together in my mind.
When I opened my eyes, Vince was staring at me in what looked to be horror. I flinched back from him. “Shh,” Axel soothed, quickly shooting a dark, angry look at Vincent. But when he looked back at me, there was nothing but tenderness in his eyes. “It’s okay.”
“I’m done,” I told Dr. Gresham, feeling tired and drained. “I think I need a nap.”
Dr. Gresham nodded. “Evelyn,” Dr. Gresham called out for one of the older nurses, “can you escort Meghan back to her room and make sure she gets her medication please?” he asked her.
“Yes, sir,” she told him. She gave me a small smile. She had become one of my favorite nurses in the facility. She was always so kind, and she never judged me. Even on my bad days when I was rude and snappy, she was always patient with me, so much understanding in her older eyes.
“Come on, darlin’,” she coaxed as I stood up from my chair.
Axel hugged me once I was on my feet. “Please come back,” I begged him.
He tightened his arms around me. “I’m not abandoning you, sweet girl. I’ll come see you every time I can,” he swore.
I nodded and stepped back. Vincent didn’t say anything to me, and I didn’t say anything to him. I just turned on my heel and allowed Mrs. Evelyn to lead me back to my room.
* * *
✶ ✶ ✶
* * *
I looked up at Dr. Gresham as he neared the bench I was sitting on. “Drawing?” he asked.
I nodded, looking down at the drawing in my lap. The girl was on her knees in front of a dead rose bush with tears running down her cheeks, a sad, torn expression on her face. The tips of her fingers were pricked, blood slowly trailing down her hand while her other hand clutched at the dead rose bush, blood dripping down the stems and onto the ground.