Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
“Are you ready to see him yet?” Dr. Gresham asked me.
I shrugged. “Maybe in a couple of weeks,” I told him as I dragged my eyes off of the picture in front of me to look up at him. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. When I can make that decision without second guessing myself, then I know that I’ll be ready.”
Dr. Gresham smiled at me. “You’re doing so good, Meghan. I’m proud of you. You’ve made so much more progress than I thought you would have made by now,” he admitted. “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
I stood up and lifted the canvas off of my easel. “Is Axel visiting today?”
Dr. Gresham sighed. “Later on, yes. I have asked Vincent to come visit you.”
I tightened my hands around the wood of the canvas, suddenly feeling extremely nervous and sick to my stomach. “I can’t face him,” I whispered. Vincent had done so much for me over the past four years, and I’d basically shit all over that.
“You can,” Dr. Gresham assured me. “I promise that he is just worried about you, Meghan. He doesn’t think of you any differently.”
I blinked back tears, my throat closing up. I dropped back onto my stool, a shuddered breath leaving my lungs. “I can’t do it.” Hot tears slid down my cheeks. I squeezed my eyes shut. “I let him down.”
Dr. Gresham knelt in front of me. “Meghan, you’re going to make it through this visit, okay? I know it seems impossible right now, but it’ll be okay. We’ll do just like we did the first time Axel visited. You’ll take a clonazepam before you see him, and the visit will be supervised. But this is part of your therapy. You can’t keep denying his visits.”
I shook my head. “If I have to see Vince, I want Axel there,” I told him. “Those are my conditions.”
Dr. Gresham nodded. “Okay. I’ll contact Axel and let him know that his visitation time is being changed.” He stood back up to his full height. “Go get lunch,” he instructed. “I’ll put your painting with your others.”
I mutely nodded and stood up, silently handing him my canvas.
Please, God, give me the strength to make it through this visit with Vincent.
20
Axel wrapped me up in a hug when I reached the normal table we always had our visitations at. I wrapped my own arms around him, a sigh of relief leaving my body when he wrapped me up in his safety. “You good?” he asked as he leaned back a little to look down at me.
I shook my head. “I’m scared,” I whispered.
He brushed his hand over my hair. “I know, but you’ll be okay. I’m here, and so is Dr. Gresham. Everything will be fine,” he tried to soothe me.
I sat down in my normal seat, and Axel sat next to me, Dr. Gresham taking a seat on the other side of me. He nodded once at one of the guards keeping us in here, and they opened the doors.
My eyes instantly landed on Vincent, taking in his massive frame as he stepped into the visitation room, his dark eyes instantly landing on me. A small, pitiful sound rose in my throat. I wrapped my arms tightly around my midsection, wishing I could just disappear.
“You’re not alone,” Dr. Gresham reminded me. I turned my head to look at him, longing to run the hell out of that room shining in my eyes. “Meghan, calm down,” he instructed. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here to be a buffer, and Axel is here as you requested for support. You need to breathe.”
Vincent pulled out a chair, drawing my eyes back to him. I clenched the ends of my sleeves in my fists, my heart pounding hard and fast against my breastbone.
It was painful.
He gave me a small smile, and I flinched back from it. Axel rested a hand on my back. “Shh,” he soothed. “Nobody is judging you, Meghan, and no one hates you,” he reminded me.
Vincent laced his fingers together on top of the table. “You look good, Meg,” he complimented me. “It’s good to see you again. I’ve been worried, especially when you kept refusing to see me.”
I swallowed thickly, my eyes nervously flickering to Dr. Gresham. “The truth,” my doctor reminded me. “Remember those boundaries? Lying to save other people’s feelings is one of those things we’re stopping.”
I looked back at Vincent. “I didn’t want to see you,” I rasped. “I still don’t. I’m not ready.”
His eyes flashed with hurt at my words as he flinched back from me. Tears welled in my eyes, and I focused my gaze on the table that was separating me from Vincent. Axel gently rubbed my back.
“Meghan, I’ve never thought any differently of you,” Vincent quietly said. I didn’t lift my gaze from the table. “You were suffering, and none of us were able to help you. You needed professional help, and I’m glad that you’re getting it,” he told me honestly.