Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 142764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
She moves her hands and cups me by the cheeks, forcing me to look into her eyes.
“Stop. Don’t say that. You’re better than him, Drew. You’re a thousand times better than him because where your father cares for no one but himself, you care about others. You care about your mother, your friends, and me.”
She has no fucking clue how much she means to me. I’d lie, cheat, and steal for her. I’d kill anyone who tries to hurt her. My beginning and end are all her. As she stares at me, I consider telling her the truth about my father, my mother, all of it, and I will, but without all the answers and understanding how it all came to be, I can’t. Not yet.
"Maybe you don’t think so, but I do. I know I don’t deserve you, not even a little bit. But that’s the thing. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if I deserve you because I’m far too selfish to let you go. That day in the library, when you stood up to me, you didn’t cower in fear or melt beneath me. You were unlike anyone I’d ever met, and when I looked at you, it felt like you were looking at me, seeing the real me, and no one had ever done that before. It both terrified and intrigued me. I was scared you would be able to see parts of me I hadn’t shown anyone before. I wanted to control you, to bend you to my will. The darkest parts of me clung to the lightest parts of you, and for the first time in forever I felt in control of at least one thing in my life.”
She releases my cheeks and shifts her arms under mine, squeezing me as tightly as she can, pressing her cheek over my heavy beating heart. “I don’t know what to say.”
The pressure on my chest is lighter, and when I suck a breath into my lungs the weight of my past no longer presses too tightly. "You don’t have to say anything, Bel. I just wanted you to know, and my only hope is that by telling you, maybe you’ll understand why I did what I did and might be able to forgive me for it.”
Strands of blond hair stick to her cheek as she pulls away, her eyes rimmed red as they peer up at me. Her pink lips press into a thin line. “I want to forgive you, Drew, and I’m trying. Every day that passes, it becomes easier to wrap my head around. It kills me to be away from you, and my heart begs me to give in and forgive you because I miss you. I can’t even go to the library without thinking about you. It’s no longer the same.”
“I’m sorry.” I stroke her back gently. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“I know you’re sorry. I feel it in my bones, and in so many ways you’re already forgiven. I’m just afraid. I’m afraid that you’ll hurt me again, even if accidentally in an attempt to subdue your father, and I don’t think I could survive losing you a second time. Your dad still has power and control over you, and there’s no saying he won’t try to use me again, that he won’t make you do something to hurt me simply because he can. I need something concrete that proves your father no longer has a hold on you. That he won’t be able to sway you into doing his dirty work. I forgive you, Drew, but I need to make sure your father can’t hurt either of us again. Only then can we really let this go completely.”
Fuck. She’s right.
With my father still in the picture and a part of my life, Bel isn’t safe, and she won’t ever be till I get rid of him. There isn’t a damn thing I can do to fix this right now, and it fucking sucks.
“I understand,” I murmur instead of doing what I really want to do, which is lay her back on the bed, strip her out of this dress, and fuck her into submission until she screams my name and admits how much she wants me. But fucking her won’t change anything. It won’t make her forgive me any faster. "I want to stay, and fuck you until you promise to forgive me but I should go before your brother comes snooping around. I don’t think he would appreciate catching us naked again."
She chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t think he would like that very much.”
“Me either.” I press a kiss to her forehead, and gently lift her off my lap, placing her back on the bed. What she needs is time, and even if it’s not what I want to give her, I don’t have an option. I won't wait forever. She'll be mine regardless. It’ll just make all of this easier if I have her forgiveness.