Total pages in book: 52
Estimated words: 47819 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 239(@200wpm)___ 191(@250wpm)___ 159(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 47819 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 239(@200wpm)___ 191(@250wpm)___ 159(@300wpm)
“It’s not the same thing baby. Your dad is a guy, guys are different.” Her look told me that she either didn’t understand or she didn’t agree. It didn’t take long before I learned which it was.
“That’s dumb mom, if I had a boyfriend and he did that to me I would find me a new boyfriend too.” Things are so simple when you’re a kid.
I knew she was saying that, but I also knew that she was still hurt by her dad’s defection. What if I took this chance, what if I were selfish just this once and we both suffered for it? How could I trust a man whom I’d only just met, when the boy I’d known all my life had done me wrong?
There were no easy answers, none I could give her anyway. As for my inner feelings, well, they were not fit for public consumption, and especially not for my underage daughter.
I changed the subject to what she’d like to do for the day to get her off track. She gave me that overly adult look that said she knew what I was up to but she was going to let me get away with it for now.
I was left alone with my thoughts for the rest of the morning while she watched cartoons. I got pen and paper and wrote two columns of the pros and cons of having an affair or whatever this was with Dane Nightingale.
It took a load off my shoulders after my short talk with the Roy guy at the justice department. I knew that’s where I called because that’s the way the secretary or whoever had answered.
But now I had even more questions. Last night he hadn’t shared too much about himself, well other than physically that is. My face heated up with the memory of all that we had done to each other.
If sex were the only deciding factor, there was no question I’d go for it. I don’t think I’d ever felt the things I did in that bed last night. The man did know how to make my body do what it was made for. There was still a sweet ache between my thighs even now with each movement.
But there was so much more to think about. I recalled some of the things he’d whispered in my ear as he’d been inside of me. Promises that I dared not believe in the cold light of day, but had surely been sweet to hear at the time.
My phone rang in the middle of my reverie. “Hello?”
“I can feel you thinking, stop it. The deal’s already done, you don’t have any decisions to make they’ve been taken out of your hands, just sit back and enjoy okay.”
“I don’t know if I can do that Dane, you must admit this is very unconventional.” My mouth was saying one thing but my heart was wishing for another. It would be phenomenal to be loved by someone like him.
“You’ve said that before remember, and I think I told you, I don’t follow convention. I saw you, I wanted you and now I have you. Last night was just the beginning of something beautiful. It’s as new to me as it is to you.”
“What does that mean?” I held my breath as my pulse raced at his words that were so forcefully spoken.
“It means I’ve never wanted to have with anyone else what I’m going to have with you. It means that although I understand your hesitance, there’s no way I’m going to let you fuck this up for both of us. Like I said, it’s out of your hands.”
“And what if I’m not okay with that?”
“I’m sorry but that’s just the way it is babe. Where’s the kid?”
“She’s in her room watching TV.”
“Is she scared?”
“No I don’t think so, but, I’m the adult, I’m supposed to…”
“Not going there babe, I’ll see you later tonight, is Alana going to be out again?”
“No she’ll be home.”
“What time does she go to bed?”
“About nine.”
“Sweet, feel free to go to sleep if you get tired I know you didn’t have enough rest last night. Not to worry, I’ll let myself in.”
I looked down at the phone that was now giving me a busy signal. “Was that him?” My daughter came and stood in the doorway. I nodded my head and patted the mattress beside me.
It’s sad but she has become my only constant in the last year or so. And though I try not to burden my child with my worries and fears, after all she’s just a baby; she’s so understanding and supportive of me that sometimes it’s easy to slip into that role of the needy mom.
We talked for a while, both of us skirting around the issue, but I felt better for it afterwards. With what amounted to my daughter’s blessing, I felt better about the fact that I really wanted to go for it. When else was I going to find myself in this position?