Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
“Too late for that, man.” I chuckled.
“You wanna head out for a smoke?”
I shook my head. “Nah. I slipped yesterday and had one, but I’m trying to be good.”
“Well, good on you, then.” Atticus gave me the finger before he left.
Once again alone with my thoughts, I specifically stopped myself from texting Emily. I didn’t want to be that guy who couldn’t take a hint when someone needed space. It didn’t matter how much I wanted to see her, how much she calmed me. I needed to do what was best for her—and that was listening to what she’d told me she wanted.
I needed to get everything off my chest, though. If I wasn’t going to call her, writing a letter would be my way of communicating. Texting seemed too informal for this, and I didn’t want her to feel like she needed to respond. Writing a letter would make it impossible to cross the line or do anything stupid. Stephen could deliver it for me. I would say what I needed to say, then focus on getting my head back into the tour. Maybe I could put this damn angst to good use and write some fucking music again. Now, there was an idea…
Grabbing a notepad and paper, I tried not to overthink it.
Dear Emily,
You’re probably wondering why the hell I’m writing you this letter when I could just walk across the lot and talk to you. But you clearly want space. Even if I don’t understand your apprehension about me, I need to respect it. I’m not the kind of guy who pushes himself on someone who wants to be left alone. I can take a damn hint. In the spirit of respecting your privacy, I’m writing this letter instead of coming to see you. I want to reiterate that I only want what’s best for you. And I might even agree that what’s best for you is distancing yourself from me.
At the same time, we will inevitably run into each other. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in those moments. But I won’t instigate extra time with you beyond a professional, friendly relationship. No more ridiculous delivery requests; although, I’m gonna miss those.
You know how much I respect you. I could say a lot more about my feelings, but I don’t want to make this harder than it already is. Just know that spending time with you has been the best. Even if it was temporary, I appreciated every second of it.
No hard feelings, okay? I’ll always be here if you need me.
xo Tristan
I expelled some air and looked down at the words I’d written. This sucked, but I needed closure if I had any chance in hell of concentrating on my performances again. After folding the letter, I realized I didn’t have a damn envelope. I couldn’t just hand Stephen an unsealed letter. The irony wasn’t lost on me that the person who would be tasked with running out to buy me damn envelopes would be Emily. So, I decided the best course of action would be to grow some balls, walk my ass down to her bus, and deliver the letter myself. I wouldn’t stay. I’d just hand it to her and leave. Any extra time with her would defeat the purpose of writing down what I wanted to say.
I grabbed a hat, and just as I stepped off the bus, Stephen approached. He was holding…an envelope? What the heck? Had he read my freaking mind?
I looked down at it. “What’s that?”
“It’s a letter for you…from Emily.”
What the fuck? “She gave it to you?”
“Before she left, she asked that I get it to you.”
“Left?” My heart began to race. “What are you talking about?”
“Emily left the tour this morning.”
***
I’d never paced so much in my life.
Twenty minutes had passed, and I still hadn’t read her letter.
I’d done this. I’d caused her to leave. I’d taken it too far and hadn’t gotten my letter to her fast enough. If I’d just called her sooner, she wouldn’t have felt like she had to leave. She lost her freaking job because of me. Jesus Christ. What have I done?
I couldn’t get myself to open it. I didn’t want confirmation that it was my fault, that I’d scared her away by not controlling my carnal desires.
After several minutes of pacing, I finally grew some balls and opened it.
Dear Tristan,
Please forgive me for doing this. I should’ve had the courage to come say a proper goodbye. But I knew if I looked in your eyes, I wouldn’t have the guts to leave.
By now, you know that I’ve decided to quit the tour. I can’t stress enough that my reasons have nothing to do with anything you did or said. Or anything we did together. Trust me when I say that any conclusions you are drawing right now are not the right ones. I’ve led you to believe you know everything about me, but that’s unfortunately not true. I have a very personal reason for needing to leave right now. And I never should’ve come here to begin with.