Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
He narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not heartless, you know. I’m just a realist.”
“A realist who cheats on his girlfriend.”
“Whoa. First off, she’s not my girlfriend. And I’m not a cheater. Riley and I have an understanding. She knows I’m not interested in monogamy. It’s an open relationship. That’s very different than cheating.”
“Don’t you ever get sick of this lifestyle?”
“Sometimes. But the only woman I’ve ever loved is gone. I never needed anyone or anything else when I was with Nicole.”
It was rare that Atticus brought up his ex-wife. There was an unspoken rule among us that Nicole’s name was not to be mentioned, especially while on tour. It was the one thing that affected his performances. He bounced his legs. “Anyway, I guess I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I might as well try to have fun and take advantage before I’m old as fuck like you.”
“Go to hell.” I laughed.
Atticus and Ronan would take any opportunity to remind me I was five years older.
“Seriously, though…” he said. “What happened with Emily?”
“Oh, now you know her name?”
“Yeah, I know the name of the person who’s gotten into my lead singer’s head and who’s threatening to fuck up the rest of this tour for us.”
“For the last time, she has nothing to do with my voice problems. Stop insinuating that.”
“She does have everything to do with you alienating yourself from us lately. The night you took off? Canceled the show? That was a first.”
“I just needed a break. God forbid I take one—”
“You haven’t answered my question. What happened with her?”
“Fuck if I know,” I said, looking over at the wall and wishing I could punch it. “She says she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to continue whatever it is we started. I really like her. I’ve had no desire to be with anyone else since the tour began. That’s a first for me. But none of that matters if she’s scared.”
He lowered his voice. “You fucked her?”
“No. We messed around, though, and I took things too far.” I looked out the window at her bus.
Atticus snapped his fingers in front of my face. “When was the last time you felt this way about someone?”
“Not since I was sixteen.”
He nodded. “Cheyenne...”
“How the hell did you remember her name?”
“Because I never forgot that conversation we had when we first met. You got drunk and told me all about her. You were pretty broken up over it.”
“Wow. I don’t remember that.”
“Well, yeah. You were drunk.” He chuckled. “Whatever became of her?”
“I have no idea.”
“You never tried to look her up?”
“No.” I shook my head. “For a while, I didn’t want to know, but now it doesn’t matter. So much time has passed. But the closest I’ve ever come to feeling something for someone like that has been with Emily. Being on this rollercoaster of a career has numbed my feelings for a long time. It’s hard to meet the right people when you’re surrounded by mostly the wrong people. It’s rare to meet someone you connect with. And when you do? You remember what it feels like to be human again.”
“Why are you so sure it’s over between you and her?”
“She made it clear she doesn’t want to pursue anything further. The reason isn’t as clear. But it doesn’t matter. I need to back off. And today is day one of that. So you don’t need to worry about me getting in over my head anymore.” I sighed, hardly trusting my own assurances. “Now, what you do need to worry about is my fucking voice. I won’t get to see the doctor until we’re in L.A. I’m gonna need to go quiet again today.”
“All I can do is pray, man. I don’t have the right answers, nor do I understand all of the medical articles Ronan has been sending me.”
“He has?”
He nodded. “Dude’s been researching all these ways to help you. But it’s kind of hard to make herbal tinctures on tour.” He laughed. “I told him he needs to stick his tincture up his sphincter.”
I let out a guttural laugh. “You gotta love that guy for trying. More than you do for me, asshole.”
“Ronan’s a better man. That’s for sure. All I’ve been doing is complaining.” He came over to pat me on the back. “Anyway, I’m glad we had this talk, even if it started with me chastising you.”
“That’s how all our talks start, don’t they?”
His face showed a rare sincerity. “I know I can be rigid sometimes. But I don’t want you to think I don’t care about your happiness. If some girl makes you happy, makes you remember who you are and all that shit, more power to you—as long as you don’t lose all the other parts of you in the process. You’ve worked too hard to lose your damn mind, you know?”