Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 69895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Zachary frowned and opened his mouth, but Bram went on.
“In reality number two, you clearly value external approval like promotions and praise. And in that reality, just getting the promotion is a reward in and of itself.”
Zachary shut his mouth, brown furrowed.
“As your friend, here’s what I would say. Whether or not you take the promotion, you still got it. You got the acclaim and approval. Turning it down doesn’t take that away. But the thing about external approval is that it doesn’t do anything for the day-by-day living of your life. Like, knowing you achieved a promotion doesn’t help you out if for the next ten years you hate having it. You’re the one who needs to approve of yourself.”
Pieces clicked into place and Bram realized that this was precisely what his father had been trying to tell him.
“Can I ask you a question?” Zachary nodded. “How do you feel when you design something, and you know it’s really good?”
A slow smile crept across Zachary’s mouth. “Proud of myself. Triumphant. Satisfied.”
“You don’t need anyone to tell you those designs are good because you know it.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve been realizing lately,” Bram said slowly, “that mostly we need approval and esteem about the things we’re not confident about. I don’t need to know what anyone thinks about how I walk the dog, because I know I do it just fine. But I do ask for other people to advise me about my relationships because I worry I don’t do them right. Do you know why you need so much external approval?”
He asked it gently, and then fell silent, sipping the chamomile tea and waiting for Zachary to answer.
Zachary’s brow furrowed and he frowned into his tea like he could menace the answer forth from the depths of his cup.
“I was never someone that people liked,” he said. It wasn’t a bid for disagreement, just a fact as Zachary saw it, so Bram stayed silent. “I was always different and whatever I did seemed to announce that to everyone. It made it...easy, I guess, for people to cut me down. Children don’t have a shred of mercy in them. At least they didn’t for me. Every day, all day, I was different and wrong and weird and...” He shook his head. “It went on until Sarah disappeared. Then they were all too awkward to mess with me because now I was more pathetic than they could ever tease me for. In a way...” He chewed his lip. “In a way, her disappearance was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Bram could tell that the guilt over this reality weighed heavily on Zachary.
“I was never the one anyone liked. Never the one anyone rooted for. But I was smart. And when teachers praised me it felt good.” He shrugged. “It was the other students I wanted to think I was smart or cool or attractive, but they didn’t, so at least I could get the highest grade or finish the test first. It was...there was no space for me in any of those other competitions, but in this one, I could win.”
Bram’s heart broke at the thought of young Zachary desperately wanting the love and approval of his classmates and being denied it at every turn. No wonder he needed people to know he was successful, that he was valued.
He looked up finally and met Bram’s eyes. “I couldn’t believe you liked me.”
“I did,” Bram said definitively.
Zachary’s eyelashes fluttered and he swallowed. “Past tense?”
“I do,” Bram clarified. “I do like you, Zachary. Don’t ever doubt that.”
A tear landed in Zachary’s tea and he drank it down, draining his cup.
“Okay,” Bram said. “Here’s what I think—as your friend. I think your firm sucks.”
Zachary’s chin jerked up.
“I know, I know, they’re the most prestigious firm in the Middle West. Whatever that means. But who cares about their prestige if they don’t value the work that is unique to you?”
Again, Zachary opened his mouth, but Bram was on a roll.
“They don’t, Zachary! They value your skill, because it means you’re never the squeaky wheel. They value your work ethic, because you probably get more done in a day than most people do in a week. They value your loyalty to the company, because that means you’ll put up with anything. But none of that is the same thing. They don’t like the work that is the most you. That you like the best. So, as your friend, I am telling you. Don’t take their promotion. And don’t settle for a firm that only wants your rote ability, not the creative genius that makes you you.”
Zachary’s eyes were wide. “Quit? You think I should quit my job?”
“Hell yeah! Find a firm that loves your weird horror alien designs.”
“They’re not alien—”
“Find a firm that values Zachary Glass. Or go freelance. Just don’t waste one more brilliant design on people who make you shave off everything about it that makes it unique. Don’t spend your life designing boxes when you could be doing so much more.”