Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 69895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
The wind whistled on his dad’s end and Bram could picture him walking among the raised beds at the tree line, knew that it would smell like fresh moss and decomposing leaves and woodsmoke.
He was stricken suddenly with a pang of longing so sharp he nearly gasped.
“Trust is showing up and being vulnerable and honest with another person. It’s choosing to believe they have good or reasonable intentions. It’s standing up for yourself, so you teach them how to treat you. And all of that—all of it—comes from you.”
Bram closed his eyes and listened hard.
“My biggest worry for you,” his father went on, “has always been that you don’t trust yourself. You look to others for something that can only come from within. The most important trust is that you are enough as you are and always will be, no matter who you have or don’t have in your life.”
A tear slid down Bram’s cheek.
“You don’t need your siblings to tell you what you should do. You don’t need me, either. You need to look inside yourself and see what Bram wants. What Bram needs. Learn to trust yourself, or no demonstration of trustworthiness in anyone else will matter.”
Later, after hanging up with his dad, Bram pulled the covers over his head and let himself drift inside his cocoon. Let himself drift in the ether of Bram-ness and all that it entailed.
What did he want? What did he need? Why was it so hard for him to not call his siblings and see if he was right?
* * *
The two knocks that meant Zachary sounded on the door, pulling Bram out of a fitful sleep.
He lay there for a moment, deciding whether or not he wanted to see Zachary. It had been four long days of nesting in his bed, reading old X-Men comics, and leaving the house only to take Hem out. It turned out that breaking up with someone who lived right across the street was hell on your mobility.
The Zachary Glass he opened the door to was a shadow. Already slim, he looked like he’d lost weight, his usually olive complexion was sallow, and he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair looked dirty. But his eyes were wild and awake.
When he spoke it came out in a rush.
“I know you’re mad and sad at me and I know you asked for space, but I really need my friend right now. Is there any way you could forget that we were...whatever and just be my friend for a minute? If you say no, I promise I’ll leave, and I’m sorry if I’m butting in, but I just... I really need to talk to my best friend right now,” he concluded, with a break in his voice.
Best friend. He’d missed having one these last few months. It tore at Bram’s defenses and he opened the door, too curious and ever hopeful for the self-preservation of distance.
“Okay,” he said.
“Thank you,” Zachary sighed. He settled on the bench at the kitchen table and Bram made tea automatically.
“So, there’s this guy,” Zachary began. “And I really, really like him. At first we were just friends, but then things got, um, romantic? And I have the best time with him. I kept expecting that he’d get sick of me or annoyed, because everyone else seems to. And then they leave. But he didn’t. And now I got this promotion, but it would mean moving away from him. At first I was definitely going to take it. Because getting promoted is a good thing. But now...now I don’t know. Wes pointed out that the part I like most about my current job is the part I won’t get to do anymore in my new position. And that even now I don’t get to do it the way I want. But maybe later, after I’m junior partner and then full partner, when I’m in charge even more, I’ll probably get to do more of what I want. I think. I guess I’m not sure.”
He was looking very intently at his own hands.
“So now I don’t know what to do. I never meant to hurt the guy I like. I even asked him to maybe come with me, but I think I did it wrong. And I could just really, really use your help untangling it.” After a beat, he said, “The end.”
Bram blew out a breath and set the mugs of tea down in front of them.
“Well,” he said, keeping his voice even. “It sounds like you had something really great going with this guy. Sounds like he really likes you and maybe he was just nervous about that because he’s been burned before. It also sounds like you have two realities going on. Reality number one is that you love designing your unique creative buildings, and this promotion will not let you do that and will force you to do work you hate. In that reality, the answer is clear. Don’t take the promotion.”