Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 91467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
In any case she seemed to like my idea and I put on a bright smile even though what I really want to be doing is heading out there to look for my kids.
I was still waiting to hear back from the PI and planned to go out myself sometime today, but I wanted to give her time to get her bearings first.
“Don’t you have to go to work?” She eased out of my arms and pulled at the edge of the comforter. “I’m not leaving you!” I see what she means about the difference. There used to be an ease between us that was missing. Now it seemed like we were feeling our way around each other.
Not even in the beginning was there this much awkward tension between us. But I guess it couldn’t be helped. I can’t manhandle her the way I used to, to get my way. Can’t bulldoze my way over her to give her what she needs, because she’s been hurt.
I helped her up from the bed and tried to dispel the weirdness as best I could by keeping the conversation light.
She seemed to want to jump right back into life, which I guess is understandable given where she’d been and what she’d been through. I guess for her the sooner things go back to being the same the better.
I’m still trying to find my footing. Still trying to make sense of all this and there’s still the issue of my ‘issue’ being out there somewhere enduring who knows what. How can I not go crazy?
It was all I could do to keep it together for her sake. But there’s no playbook, no blueprint on how you’re supposed to act when some shit like this happens to your life. I wanted, no needed, to be two places at once.
Here with her, making sure she’s safe and out there looking for my kids. But when it was all said and done, I swallowed my own shit and gave her what she wanted.
“Come on.” I held her hand and walked into the master bath. We washed up at the his and her sinks in the master bath like we always did. Something else that was familiar.
I didn’t miss the way she looked at her toothbrush and then back at me with surprise. Yes, I’d left it exactly where she’d left it that last morning. I’d wrapped the top to keep it from drying out, but that was the only change.
She looked around the room as if memorizing it and I was glad that I hadn’t changed a thing. Let that be her first reassurance that I hadn’t moved on, that I hadn’t forgotten her and what we’d shared.
She seemed to relax a little as we made our way downstairs to share something else we used to. I got the coffee started while she went to the fridge for the fixings for breakfast.
I watched her closely for any reaction and settled down once she seemed to be doing okay. I’m not sure what I expected to happen, but I was tense as fuck.
We moved around each other each doing our thing in silence until the food was ready and we sat down across from each other like old times. So far, so good!
Breakfast was as close to normal as I could make it, but there was still a little coolness in the air that was hard to miss. I’m fucked if I know how to get rid of it.
She was trying hard to make things seem normal, but I was beginning to think that maybe that wasn’t the way to go. That maybe we should just let shit take its course. Still, I didn’t want her feeling like a stranger in her own home so I had to come up with something fast.
“The P.I. I hired will be here a little later. He sent me a text while we were asleep, I just saw it.”
“Did he find anything?” There was such hope in her eyes as she grabbed my wrist.
“He didn’t say but from the tone of the message I’m hopeful. After he gets here we’ll go do some looking of our own, retrace your steps if you’re up to it.” She nodded her head and relaxed a little more.
I turned my hand over in hers and squeezed reassuringly. “How about we sit down together and plan out the nursery afterwards would you like that?”
That seemed to do the trick because she jumped up from the table and rushed to the sink to rinse our dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. When she turned and stopped short in the middle of the room looking lost my gut hurt.
“What is it love?” I got up from my seat and went to her. She looked down at my over sized shirt that she’d slept in the night before. That was nothing new.