Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 91467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Her body seemed to deflate and she relaxed back against the pillow looking pitiful as hell. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I’d just be happy to get back to you, to start looking for our babies. But now that I’m here, everything feels different.”
“Different how?” I hate the sadness in her voice. The insecurity I’d fought so hard to get rid of when I made her mine seemed to be back in full force once again.
“I don’t know. I feel like there’s a distance between us. I know it’s silly to expect things to go back to being the same right away, but I can’t help but feel…I didn’t choose to leave…”
“Is that how I’m making you feel baby? Like this is your fault? Because I don’t feel that way. Look at me.” I turned her to face me again and looked into her eyes. Her sad wet eyes that had always told me everything I needed to know.
I softened the tone of my voice to put her more at ease as I ran my thumb gently along her chin. “I never blamed you. If anything I’m the one at fault because I didn’t take better care of you, didn’t protect you.” She started shaking her head before I was through speaking.
“No, that’s not true. You were the perfect husband. You always gave me everything I wanted. That’s why now…I can feel this gap between us that wasn’t there before.”
How could I tell her she was wrong when she spoke the truth? I felt it too, but obviously not for the reasons she thought. We were both wanting the same thing, to have what we once shared.
But there was this wide gap between us that can’t be ignored. She’d been gone for two years only to return with this fantastical story. One that I believe because I believe in her.
But still, there was a lot that had happened in that time that cannot be erased or ignored. Not least of all is the fact that we have two children out there somewhere going through who knows what.
In those two years we may not have moved on in some ways, but a lot had changed all the same. We were not the same people and never will be again, how can we be?
The only thing I’m sure of is my love for her that never changed. But with everything that had gone on, there was a new element added to our relationship.
One that neither of us seemed to know how to navigate yet. But I have to find a way to explain to her so that she’d understand, so that there’d be no more hurt feelings. The last thing I want to do is hurt her any more than she already is.
I sat up and pulled her over to my side with my arms wrapped protectively around her. Each time I held her like this I was still amazed that she was here. I guess it’s going to take some time for it to settle in that she was really here with me again.
“It’s going to take some time for us to find our footing baby. You’ve been gone for two years. A lot has changed even though a lot has stayed the same.” Even that didn’t sound like enough; didn’t come close to explaining what was in my heart.
None of what I was feeling had anything to do with blaming her though. It was all internalized. All fingers pointed back at me and with good reason. But if I was making her feel like there was distance between us then I’d better get my shit together.
“I know what you want and you know I’m always willing to give my baby whatever she wants. But you have to accept that we’ve both changed in the time you were gone.”
“You’ve experienced something that’s going to take time to get over, and I’ve had to endure being without you these last two years. We both have our own stuff to deal with now that you’re back. But don’t ever think that I don’t love you, or that I’m not happy to have you back.”
She nodded her head against my chest and I knew she was crying from the soft sniffles that escaped. I held her head in my hand and kissed her hair, rocking her gently to offer comfort. What a fucking mess!
“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we start over huh? Let’s go make breakfast together and we’ll plan the rest of our day.” That’s something we used to do in the past, something familiar.
She seemed to need things to feel the same as they always did to feel safe and that’s something I could give her for now at least. If she looked south she would see that her argument had no merit because my dick was still tenting the damn sheets. Women!