Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
Alistair’s face is blank. The same as it’s been for the last hour. “What was that for?”
“The burden of big thoughts.”
“Such as?”
I do my best to gather said thoughts into a straight line. It doesn’t work. “Please take into consideration that there’s a small chance I am somewhat inebriated.”
“You don’t say,” he replies in a dry tone.
“You also make me nervous, so don’t expect this to be eloquent.”
He frowns. “I make you nervous?”
I just shrug.
“Why would I make you nervous?”
“Hush. I’m talking now,” I say, moving right along. “You see, this whole situation with the predictions has been making me take stock. I always thought I would travel and do all the kinds of things that are on my list. But then routine takes over, and it’s all work and bills. I want to try to live with joy and notice the little things.”
“It’s a nice idea,” he says.
“I am going to try to be more present and live in a more... Shit. What’s the word? What kind of manner?”
“Mindful?”
“Yes! Thank you. Live in a more mindful manner.”
There’s definite amusement in his gaze. “Good work.”
“You’re mocking me because I’m under the influence, but I don’t care.” I am almost finished with my second glass of the green-colored cocktail Helena made me. It tastes of aniseed, apple juice, lime, and mint. And is poured from an ornate antique glass-and-silver fountain, which is basically an orb full of booze on a stand with a little tap on the front. “My lips are numb, and my head is light.”
“I told you to go easy. Absinthe is strong.”
“Doesn’t it frustrate you?”
“Beyond belief,” he says. “What are we talking about, Lilah?”
“We’re so programmed to worry about what other people think all the time. But the fact is, no one’s sitting at home mulling over some stupid shit I said last week. Or last year. Or a decade ago. There’s no need to spend my life second-guessing everything I say or do.”
He cocks his head and just listens.
“We waste so much time that way. Worrying. I wouldn’t have rushed to ask my ex to move in with me if I hadn’t been trying to meet some idiotic... Shit. It’s happening again. What’s the word I’m after?”
“Plan? Schedule? Ideal?”
“Any of those will do,” I say. “Don’t underestimate how embarrassing it was to admit that about my ex either. It’s stupid the way society still pushes people to conform in subtle ways. My life won’t be bereft if I don’t partner up and have children. It’ll just be different, and that’s okay. How ridiculous is it that I still feel the need to tell myself that in this day and age.”
He nods. “Fuck the patriarchy.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“Are you happy, Lilah?”
“What?” I frown in confusion. “Right now?”
“No. I mean in general, with your life.”
“Some of the time. Happy is hard,” I say. “What about you?”
“I would say I’m content.”
We sit in silence for a moment. Then I ask, “You’re still cranky at me, aren’t you?”
He looks away and sighs. “No.”
“Really? That’s great. Though it might have been wiser of me to keep my mouth shut and not say anything about looking you up online. I’ll have to think about that when I’m sober. When does honesty kick you in the pants, and is it really worth it?”
“Oh, no!” cries Lady Helena, illustrating my earlier point about her being pure chaos. A moment ago, she was on the other side of the living room dancing to disco music from the seventies. “What happened? You looked him up?”
Alistair rises and walks away.
Lady Helena winces. “The press is a particularly delicate topic. You have to understand, Lilah. He’s had no control over the narrative they spin about him since he was twelve. They’ve invaded his life at every possible opportunity and made money off their lies. It’s not something you can appreciate until you’ve actually experienced it. Not that I would wish it on anyone. I invited them in a long time ago and have to live with that decision. But my son never had a choice.”
I nod.
“He was such a happy child before all of that. Everywhere we went, he made friends. You couldn’t stop to buy gas without him getting into a conversation with someone. People fascinated him. He always wanted to know the story of everyone’s life. Then he became so sad and withdrawn.” She sighs and pats my shoulder. “There, there, dear.”
“Now, then, Your Ladyship,” says Dougal. “Alistair is quite capable of handling his own affairs. Why don’t we talk about something else?”
“What a good idea. Drink this.” Alistair returns and pushes a glass of water at me while removing the remains of the absinthe cocktail. “That’s enough of that.”
I down the water.
With an expression of relief, he announces, “It’s time for us to go.”