Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 87181 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87181 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
I knew what loneliness felt like; just because I was there didn’t mean I was there for her the way she needed me to be.
I’d only wished she would’ve come to me with that fact.
After bringing her tea, I sat beside her and cleared my throat. “You mean you feel good enough to tell me about Lance?”
Her eyes widened with surprise. “What?”
“I saw your phone.”
“You went through my phone?”
“No. I saw your phone. It was the day you had a bad reaction to the chemotherapy. I thought it was your mother checking in on you. Instead, I found those messages.”
It bothered me that she seemed more upset that I found the messages than upset that the messages existed.
“Oh,” she muttered, clearly thrown off.
“Do you love him?”
“What? No!” She sat up quickly, stunned by my question. I didn’t know why she was so shocked. Lance told her repeatedly that he loved her, and months prior, she’d replied that she loved him, too.
“Do you want to leave me?” I asked next. At that moment, I felt small, like the little boy standing in front of his parents, begging them to love him. I wanted to be angry with her. I wanted to deem her unfaithful, a cheater, and someone who abandoned our vows, but I couldn’t. All I felt was scared and alone. It blew my mind that you could feel alone when someone was beside you.
“Gosh, Kai, no. Never.” She rushed over to me and wrapped my hands in hers. She placed them against her chest. “A few months ago, I felt disconnected from you and made awful choices. We haven’t been spending a lot of time together, and I fell into eating lunch with a coworker. It meant nothing, and I cut things off with him. I swear. I am so sorry, but I’m here with you. Forever,” she swore.
“Forever,” I mumbled, still feeling uneasy about the situation.
“This whole health situation proved that I’m in the right place, Kai. No one else would’ve taken care of me the way you have. No one else would’ve put their lives on the back burner to ensure I was okay. I love you more than anything in this world, and I am so sorry for any hurt I caused you.”
I didn’t say anything else on the subject because I was stuck on one word.
Forever.
All I ever wanted was for someone to stick around with me forever because the idea of being alone again terrified every inch of my being.
HOLLY
Present Day
“This was amazing,” I told Matthew as I sat at his dining room table. He’d made a lasagna dinner with a side salad, garlic bread, and a bottle of the best red wine I’d ever had. Fullness found me after hours of conversation with him over the meal. He’d even gone as far as to light candles throughout his apartment and dim his lights to a romantic feel.
“Yeah? It was my first shot at making lasagna, so I hope it tasted okay.” He placed his napkin on the table and smiled my way.
“Everything was perfect. Truly. I can’t believe that was your first time making it.”
I wondered what Kai was doing.
Gosh, no, Holly, stop it.
Focus on where you were.
Over the past few hours, I couldn’t get him off my mind. The apology he gave me was something I could’ve never imagined. Then how he doubled-down on what he said about Matthew made my blood boil. But the book bouquet…
Why did I feel so enraged and smitten whenever I thought about that man? How could I feel both anger and admiration for him?
And why, oh why, wouldn’t he leave my thoughts even when I was with Matthew?
“Are you okay?” Matthew asked, standing from the table.
I slightly shook my head. “Yeah, sorry. Just zoned out a little there.”
“No worries.” He walked over to me with the bottle of red wine in his hands and went to pour me more.
I covered my glass. “No, thank you. I’ve had enough.”
“Oh, come on. The night’s still young.” He moved my hand and poured the glass to the brim.
I could already hear Kai in my head. That’s a red flag, Holly.
Trying to shake off the uneasy feeling beginning to settle in my stomach, I thanked him.
“Let’s get more comfortable,” he said, lifting my glass of wine and moving it to the living room, leaving his behind.
Why was I the only one still drinking?
Red flag.
“Don’t you want your wine?” I asked him.
“Oh no. I can’t drink too much. I’ll have weird dreams.”
Red flag! Red flag!
We walked into the living room, and I sat on the couch. Matthew handed me the glass of wine, then moved to his record player collection to put on some music. I placed my glass on the table.
“Any requests?” he asked me.
“I saw you had Whitney Houston’s greatest hits. That could be amazing.”