Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 57866 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 289(@200wpm)___ 231(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57866 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 289(@200wpm)___ 231(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Well, he’d be five minutes late if he walked in right this minute. Otherwise, he’d be a no-show.
Though I’d hardly slept last night, I wasn’t tired. Adrenaline and too much coffee had me on edge, and my emotions weren’t helping any.
I wanted this so badly. In every article I’d read about Beau, I’d seen that he was my opposite. A counterbalance to my neurotic, risk-averse personality. I didn’t want my child to inherit my numerous fears and insecurities, and Beau’s genes could only help with that.
He wasn’t just easygoing, he was also generous. He visited patients at a local children’s hospital and was known for doing random acts of kindness. Last year, he’d heard about a single mom who was struggling and bought her a new car, and he’d tried to keep it quiet but one of her family members had leaked the news.
I didn’t care about his playboy reputation, because that part of his life would never touch mine or my child’s. As long as he passed the health screening at my doctor’s office, I just needed his sperm sample and then he’d be out of my life forever.
“Hey, just checking in,” my server said, giving me a gentle smile.
I’d gotten here at 12:05—early as usual. My server was a woman named Lydia who was clearly hip to the fact that I was being stood up.
“I’ll keep waiting,” I said, trying to sound confident.
“I’ll get you some more water,” she said.
I’d already gone through two glasses, because I was a stress water drinker. Though at this moment, I wished I was a stress smoker or coke snorter because damn, I needed something to take the edge off.
“Brought you some bread, too,” Lydia said when she returned with my water.
Bread! Perfect. Now I had something else to focus on besides the empty doorway of the restaurant. I pulled a warm, fluffy roll from the basket and fished a rectangular pat of butter from the bottom.
It was just how I liked it—the bread had softened the butter and made it the perfect spreading consistency. It really was the little things that made a person’s day. I took my time buttering both sides of the bread, then stretched time further by checking my phone in between bites.
No texts from Beau saying he was running late. But it had been a full twenty minutes since I’d checked news headlines and my email, so I did that.
I tried to get engrossed in an article about the economy, because we should all be knowledgeable about the world around us, right? I told myself that, but in reality, I was crumbling inside.
He wasn’t going to show. Deep down, I’d known it was a long shot. He’d been polite the night we met, but also dismissive.
This wasn’t the end of the road. Not even close. Now that I knew what I wanted—a family—I wouldn’t give up until I had it.
My baby wouldn’t have Beau’s easy smile or generous spirit, but there were other men out there who could help me have a baby. And no matter who fathered my child, I’d love him or her with everything in me.
“Did you want to order?” Lydia asked me, her gaze loaded with pity.
“No, I think I’ll just go, but thanks.”
I pulled some cash from my wallet to tip her and set it on the table, then stood up.
“Hey,” she said softly. “Whoever he is, screw him. You can do better.”
She thought I was being stood up by a romantic partner. Ha—if only. That was so trivial compared to the lead ball I felt like I had in my chest right now.
“Thanks,” I said, surprised by the emotion welling in my throat.
“Want some raspberry cheesecake to go?” she asked me. “It’s on the house.”
There was something about her tone, and about picking up my bag and coat and preparing to leave the restaurant, that got to me. The tears in my eyes didn’t even have a chance to well—they just spilled onto my cheeks without warning.
“Thanks, but I’m okay,” I said, wiping the corners of my eyes furiously.
“It’s going to be okay,” Lydia said, wrapping her arms around me in a hug.
“I just really wanted it to work out,” I said, disappointment hitting me like a punch to the gut. “I thought…I mean, I hoped…”
Lydia spoke softly. “Fuck men.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, choking the word out.
People were staring at us, but I didn’t care. All my careful planning and preparing over the past three months had built a hope in me that had just been crushed. I wasn’t giving up, but I was giving myself a little bit of time to wallow. In the dining room of Tony’s Trattoria.
“Hey.” Lydia pulled back, her hands on my shoulders and her eyes on mine. “Go home and take a nice bubble bath and put on some fun music. DoorDash a gallon of your favorite ice cream and just read a book or something, okay?”