Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 57201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
“You raised panty-melting men, and I’m a ho.”
“Oh please, you’ve loved two men your whole life, and you loved them in different ways. Stop listening to the old biddies in this town and ignore them.”
“Says the woman who has only loved one man her whole life,” I mumble.
“And look where that’s gotten me. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Katie. We all handled this wrong. We should have told Jake.”
“You mean I should have told him,” I argue.
“Baby, we all made the decision,” she says gently, reaching out to hold my hand. “I may not be proud of my part in it, but we all did this together–even Jeff.”
“Have you spoken to him?” I whisper, pain wrapping around my heart and squeezing. She’s completely right. I’ve loved both Jake and Jeff. They’re as different as night and day, but I did love each of them–even if it is in different ways.
“He called me last night to let me know he was okay. He asked about you and Lennon.”
“He’s not answering my calls,” I murmur, and the pain that comes with that small admission is so intense that it feels like I can’t even breathe.
“He needs time, Katie. Hell, you do, too.”
“This would be a lot easier with him here.”
“Baby girl, a woman has to stand on her own two feet sometimes. That’s just plain facts.”
“What if I’m not strong enough to do that?” I whisper, hating the words even as I allow them to escape.
“Nonsense. Didn’t you send Jeff away once before to find someone to make him happy and build a life with? Don’t tell me you did that because you didn’t love my son. I won't believe that hogwash.”
“I do love Jeff. I just…”
“You always loved Jake, too.”
I let out a bitter laugh, full of hurt and anger. “I hate him now.”
“Seems like you, Jeff, and Jake all have a belly full of hate brewing inside of you, and none of that is good for my Lenny. How about you leave him with me? Let me deal with Jake as he visits with his boy, and I’ll call you after he leaves.”
“No, I should be here. Besides, Jake threatened to take Lennon away from me—”
“Oh bullshit. You know better than that. I’ll take a belt to him before I’d allow that. Besides, he wouldn’t do that either. That’s just anger talking. It’s going to be okay, Katie. Just let me handle Jake.
“Still, I’m worried how Lennon will react to all of this. We’ve never hidden from him that Jeff wasn’t this father, but I’m not sure how he’ll react to–”
“Jake won’t say anything to him about that. I’ll make sure of it. That’s something we need to approach carefully. My son might be a horse’s ass lately, but he’s not a bad man either. He will want what’s best for Lennon.”
“Doubtful, since he never wanted Lennon to begin with,” I mutter, mostly to myself as old anger and resentment boils up.
“Maybe we should have told him sooner, given him a chance to prove us wrong,” Barb says, and I doubt she knows how her words wound me. I doubt there’s any way that she can since she wasn’t the one who found herself pregnant at seventeen, alone with a sick grandmother, and reading a note from her boyfriend that ripped out her heart.
“Maybe he should have made it possible for me to try,” I snap without thought.
“Katie–”
“I’ll get Lennon. I think you’re right. It’ll be better if I stay away, at least for a bit. There’s too much hurt and anger between us. That can’t be good for Lennon. Tell Jake he can call me tonight after ten. That way, Granny and Lennon are sleeping, and we can discuss when he’d like more visits.”
I walk around the van to get Lennon. My baby wakes up with a smile on his face and it wraps around me. God, I can’t let him get hurt in all this. He’s everything to me.
“Mommy,” he says sleepily, yawning.
“Hey, pumpkin. Are you ready to visit with Nanny Barb for a bit?” I ask, doing my best to sound happy and at ease. I can wallow in my misery after I leave.
“Nanny!” Lennon squeals as he lifts his arms up to wrap around my neck—once I get his safety latches on his chair undone.
I get him out of the van, shielding his little head, and carefully holding him to me. I close my eyes and inhale his scent of kid’s green apple shampoo–which is his favorite but only because it has Buzz Lightyear on the bottle—baby lotion, and love. If love had a scent, it would be my son’s.
“Katie, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Barb says, looking worried as she comes over to me and Lennon.
“Nanny!” Lennon practically giggles, squirming to get out of my arms. I hold him as I help him slide so he can stand on the ground. I get out his Buzz Lightyear backpack—my son really loves that annoying cartoon—and watch as Barb bends down so she’s close to eye level with Lennon.