Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 57201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
“Well—”
“Cause you’re a girl and you don’t need savin’. You do everything on your own.”
“I don’t exactly, pumpkin.”
“You do. That’s why I told Archer that I didn’t need a daddy because my mommy does everything by herself. We don’t need anyone else.”
My heart squeezes in my chest. I knew his friends would start asking questions that might hurt Lennon, but for some reason, I expected it a little into the future. He’s been in kindergarten but only for half the day and three days a week. I stupidly thought I had more time to think about my response.
I reach up and brush his beautiful, golden hair from his face. It’s thick and unruly with just a little bit of a wave in it. His eyes change occasionally–choosing to be more hazel most days—but tonight, they’re a deep brown with little yellow specks that make them sparkle.
God, I love him.
He’s the best part of me and the best parts of Jake—the parts I once fell in love with. They’re all rolled into this extraordinary human being. Some days, I worry I’m failing at being a parent, at teaching him to navigate this cold world he’s going to grow up in. I’m afraid I won’t be able to show him how to seek out the good. Then, there are days this kid makes me feel like a superhero.
I lean down and kiss his forehead. “I think the princess is fine saving herself. It’s just sometimes it’s really good to have someone hold your hand so that you know you aren’t alone. I think everyone needs someone to lean on when they’re tired. That’s why people get married. When you love each other, you want to spend your life sharing the good and bad together. It helps to know you have someone to hold you up when you get tired. Besides, I’m not alone. I have your grandmothers, Jeff, and, more importantly, I have you.”
“Me? But I’m just a kid, Mom. I’m not much help.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. You’re the best help of all. Remember when Mommy was crying the other night, and you heard me and came to my room?”
“Yeah, you were sad. I don’t like it when you’re sad, Mommy.”
“You snuggled in the bed with me and hugged me close, and I stopped crying, didn’t I?”
“Well, yeah, but that’s because I was tickling you like you do me. It made you laugh.”
“I laughed because you make my heart happy, Lennon. I love you a million, bazillion…”
“For-reallion!” Lennon yells along with me.
“Now, you get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow. We’re going to go school shopping and grab that new backpack you picked out.”
“The baby Yoda one?”
“That’s the one, sweetheart. Then we’ll go out to eat at the diner in town, and if it’s not too late, we’ll go watch a movie.”
“I get the whole day?”
“The whole day. My shop is closed, and there’s no one else I’d rather spend the day with than my best man.”
“Is Jeff coming with us?” he asks, and I close my eyes because my answer hurts.
“Not this time, pumpkin. He’s still on his trip. He told Nanny Barb that he loves you very much, though.”
“Okay,” he says, but I can tell he’s sad.
Nothing I can say will help him. I know because I’m sad too. There’s not much I can do, though. When Jake left me years ago and wouldn’t answer the phone, I swore I’d never do it again and yet, here I am doing the same thing by calling his brother. In my defense, I thought he was worth it. I still do.
But, apparently, I’m not.
You would think I would get used to having my heart stomped by a Ryan brother…
I pull up Lennon’s covers and stand, bending over to kiss him goodnight. “I’m glad you had fun today, kiddo,” I murmur, kissing his forehead. I tousle his hair, and he scrunches up his nose at me.
“I did. I love visiting Nanny. Jake was fun, too. He was nicer to me this time. He even played Legos with me.”
“Did he? What did you build?”
“A tractor! It was neat.”
“I’m glad, baby. Now get some rest, okay?”
“Maybe Jake will come shopping with us, Mommy!”
“Hey! Do you have a problem shopping with your mom?” I ask, and I’m joking, but the worry is there too.
“No, silly. You’re my best friend.”
“Even more than Archer?”
“Well, yeah. It’s just that when we go shopping alone, I always have to use the girls’ restroom like a baby. It’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, geez,” I laugh.
“I’m just saying, Mommy. I’m going to be in the first grade. I’m growing up.”
It’s all I can do to not laugh because he looks so earnest. “You’re right,” I answer solemnly. “We’ll figure something out. ‘Night, pumpkin. Love you.”
“Night, Mommy,” he says mid-yawn as I switch off his bedside light and flip on the nightlight that casts stars all over his room. When I turn to walk out of the room, I notice Jake standing there in the shadows.