Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 51803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 259(@200wpm)___ 207(@250wpm)___ 173(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 259(@200wpm)___ 207(@250wpm)___ 173(@300wpm)
“I don’t hate you, babe,” was the quiet response. O’Brian took his hand again, and this time Valenti let him hold it, taking comfort in the warm, solid grip of his partner’s fingers against his own. “Why should you hate yourself? Why can’t you just accept that we did what we had to do and move on?”
“Because.” Valenti looked up, meeting his partner’s eyes, letting O’Brian see the naked truth in his own. “The whole time we were there, I wasn’t just doing what I had to do undercover. I was doing what I wanted to do. I wanted to touch you and kiss you, and hell, Sean, I wanted to fuck you. Wanted it so bad I couldn’t see straight. I’m in love with you, goddammit, and I can’t go back to the way we were before this assignment.” He took a trembling breath.
“Now do you see why I have to go? I can’t keep on with this stupid act we have between us. Can’t keep on pretending that we’re best friends, partners, whatever the hell you want to call us, when all I want to do ...” He sighed heavily. “... is hold you tight and never let go.”
O’Brian’s face was a complete blank. Valenti felt like a man who had gambled everything and lost. He stood up, pulling his hand away from his partner’s, and turned his back. “You can leave anytime,” he said stiffly, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at the floor. “I know you probably want to.”
“What the hell do you know about what I want?” O’Brian’s voice was ragged.
Valenti felt a hand on his shoulder before he was dragged around and O’Brian’s mouth was branding his own. For a moment he was too stunned to react, and then he opened his lips to allow better access, and the sweet taste of his partner, his best friend, his lover was flooding his senses like a drug.
O’Brian dug frantic fingers into his hair and pulled him close, ravishing his mouth, claiming him, marking Valenti as his exclusive territory. Guess I’m not the only one who feels possessive, Valenti thought. But then the kiss deepened, and all conscious thought was driven out of his head by pleasure and need.
They fell apart at last, gasping, and the look in O’Brian’s sea-green eyes was utterly wild. Valenti put a hand to his bottom lip, feeling a warm, wet trickle, and pulled it back to see a small smear of blood on his finger. “You bit me,” he said, eyes wide.
“Damn right.” O’Brian pulled him in again and sucked at the small wound, licking aggressively before releasing him reluctantly. “How long?” O’Brian asked, frowning.
Valenti understood. “Since about a month before the RamJack. It just kind of, I don’t know, hit me all at once, but I think it had been building up for a long time. Years, maybe. And when I almost lost you after the stabbing ... I think I finally realized how I really felt. How much I needed you. After a while it got to be all I could think about; it was driving me crazy. How long for you?”
“While we were there,” O’Brian admitted in a low voice. “Well, maybe before, but I didn’t really know it till we got there and started playin’ those parts. It was like I had the feelings, but no name to stick on ’em, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know,” Valenti agreed quietly. His partner took a step forward and took both his hands, entwining their fingers again, pulling him close.
“Why the hell didn’t you say anything before, Nicky?” he demanded.
“How could I?” Valenti gave his partner an aggrieved look from under furrowed brows. “When I knew how you felt about gays? After your brother Ian came out and you were so upset --”
“What upset me about Ian was the way he hurt the other people in his life. Leavin’ his wife and kids like that -- he should never have gotten married in the first place. He should have just come out instead of tryin’ to deny what he was. The same way we’ve been denyin’ how we feel about each other.” O’Brian shook his head angrily. “Damn it, Nick, what about that story I told about our ‘first time’ at dinner that first night? I threw ya every hint in the book.”
“And you kept saying that we were just doing what we had to do while we were undercover,” Valenti pointed out, dropping his partner’s hands to cross his arms. He saw no reason to take all the blame for their mutual misunderstanding. O’Brian could be so damned annoying at times.
“Well, I was gettin’ plenty of mixed signals from you, too, pal.” O’Brian looked just as irritated as Valenti felt. “Why’d you keep sayin’ you’d never forget our time together, like everything had to be over when we finished the bust?”