Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 94782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Dipping an evergreen sprig into a bowl of holy water, he anoints Ella and me, offering his blessings before binding our hands together with the rite of the white ribbon. We recite a prayer to Frigga, the goddess of marriage, followed by our vows promising to love, honor, and cherish each other. The rings we exchange were personally chosen by Ella. A moonstone set into oxidized silver for her, and a brushed silver Tungsten band for me.
As the final rite of passage into married life, the Gothi pours a goblet of mead wine and brings our free hands together around the stem, encouraging each of us to drink. Once we do, he declares us bound for eternity as husband and wife. He removes the goblet, and I bring my hand to Ella’s face, sealing our marriage with a kiss.
Around us, bells begin to ring, a salute from the witnesses. But Ella and I only have eyes for each other as we seal our commitment to one another.
When the Gothi opens the circle again with one last symbolic prayer, we exit to our new life amongst our family and friends. Celebrations are in order, and the chef has prepared a feast of traditional foods. Ella and I join our guests in the banquet room, listening and laughing as they each share a toast to our good health and happiness, along with a few embarrassing stories. When my mother begins to fade, Ella and I both offer to take her to her room, but she is quick to dismiss us.
“Enjoy your celebrations, my beautiful children.” She offers us each a kiss on the cheek. “I have everything I’ve ever wanted now. I’m at peace. Now, drink and be happy.”
Aunt Runa starts to wheel her away before my mother stops her, offering me a mischievous smile.
“Oh, Thorsen, I almost forgot,” she says. “I put a Mandrake Root beneath your bed too. For virility.”
Ella and I spend two full days lost in each other, soaking up the moments we have right now. Our honeymoon has been delayed by choice, and on the third day, when her guests have gone back to London, we wake with a somber cloud over our newlywed calm.
“Are you ready for this?” she asks as we step out of the shower, and she dries me with a towel.
“No. But I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”
“I know.” She kisses me softly. “But for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing.”
Two months ago, I wouldn’t have agreed. Even a week ago, it wasn’t easy to accept what my mother asked of me. I’m not ready to let her slip away, but she has always been the strongest woman I know, and she wants to be remembered that way. When she came to me, asking me to let her die with dignity while she still could, it broke my fucking heart. But it would be selfish of me to ask her to stay only to prolong her pain and suffering.
She is ready to go before her mind is gone completely, and she can no longer talk or function. When I learned that everyone else had already agreed, the burden fell on me to give her my approval too.
“I’m going to need you.” I bow my head to Ella’s and breathe her in. “More than I ever have.”
“I’ll be right here,” she whispers.
I bury my face in her neck and hold her, silence enveloping us as I gather the courage to say goodbye. After a few minutes, she untangles us, caressing my face beneath her palm.
“I love you, Thorsen. We’ll get through this together.”
It’s difficult to speak over the overwhelming thoughts in my head. But as long as Ella is by my side, she can keep me calm. She helps me dress for the day, picking out her favorite light blue dress shirt from my closet and a pair of navy trousers.
“We don’t wear black today,” she tells me as she buttons the shirt for me. “We don’t wear black because she’ll always be right here.”
When she presses her palm against my chest, I nod, enclosing my hand over hers.
Ella dresses herself, and then walks beside me in silence, her hand holding mine as we near my mother’s suite. When we step inside, Calder and Runa have already gathered there. It feels like I’m walking to my doom, what I imagine the forest would have been like if I’d ever actually gone.
“There they are.” My mother smiles warmly, gesturing for us as we close the door.
She seems so small today, and it’s difficult to see her like this. So pale, so thin, so weak. I know we are making the right choice for her, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
“Come sit beside me, my loves.”
Ella and I take a seat beside Calder and Runa, and the room falls silent, melancholy energy stagnating the air around us.