Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 94782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
As I look around the room where it all began, it feels like my chest is caving in on me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over him, and as hurt as I am, it still takes all my courage to walk away. I shed one last tear for my loss. A loss so huge I’m not certain I’ll ever recover.
From my bag, I retrieve the letter I wrote yesterday, explaining my actions. It’s messy and raw, with lines scratched out where I tried to wish him well with Lavinia. As it turned out, everything I wrote was a lie. I couldn’t understand why he did this. And I couldn’t tell him I forgave him because he never apologized in the first place. In the end, the only thing I could say was that I wanted to walk away. Perhaps the biggest lie of all.
With an unsteady hand, I leave the letter for him on the bed and step out onto his balcony, tossing my things over the railing. I don’t want to draw any attention by walking past Lisbet with my things. But fortunately for me, she never seems to be all that concerned about what I’m doing anyway. When I get to the kitchen, she’s at the counter doing some food prep.
“Good morning.” She averts her gaze after she hears me come in. A part of me wonders if she feels guilty for leaving me in the bed when I begged her for help, but it doesn’t matter now. I can’t change what happened, and as awful as it was, I believe it happened for a reason.
“Would you like some breakfast?” she asks.
“No, thank you. I’m not hungry right now.”
She nods and goes back to her work, and I step out onto the terrace, closing the door behind me. Following the dirt path, I head for the slope beneath Thorsen’s balcony. Once I’ve collected my things, I take one last mental picture of the house that started to feel like a home. My eyes swim with unshed tears, but I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry anymore. So, I turn away and lift my chin and head for the beach.
After Dr. Blom gave me some money, which I reluctantly accepted, he made a casual observation. Thorsen has a rowboat he sometimes uses to cross the bay to the other side of the city. I didn’t ask him for any more details, but I suspected it was his way of telling me I had an out if I wanted one. He didn’t want to hurt Thorsen, but he didn’t want me to feel as though I had no options either. It was a difficult decision for him, I could tell, but I’m grateful when I find the rowboat easily.
It turns out to be a small vessel, just big enough for me and my things. After a few moments of struggling to get it into the water, and soaking myself in the process, I climb aboard and sit down.
The only experience I have rowing a boat was with my father when I was a child, but I get the hang of it quickly. Two sore arms and one hour later, I reach the other side. There’s a boat landing I use to depart, and from there, it’s a five-minute walk to the bus station. Every second that passes makes me more anxious Thorsen will discover I’m gone. Will Lisbet alert him when I don’t come back from outside? Will she even notice?
After the incident, his security has been busy installing cameras around the interior of the estate. But I don’t know how often he checks them or how much of a head start I’ll have. All I can do is focus on one breath to the next as I follow the route I carefully mapped out over the past few days. Thirty minutes and two bus changes later, I’m at the ferry terminal, purchasing my ticket. But it isn’t until I’m out on the open sea when I can finally breathe again.
The journey back to London is uneventful, but long, taking nearly two days by ferry and train. By the time I finally step foot back onto the familiar streets of Cranbrook, it feels like everything has changed. But I think it’s just me.
I don’t really have a plan after this, but I know what I want to do. After I get off the train, I walk to Olivia’s. She isn’t home when I arrive, and Alfred must be in the house, so I visit with the horses and then find a comfortable spot to rest in the barn until she comes back.
I want to call Charlotte, but I had to leave my phone behind. Thorsen could track it or use it as a way to contact me, and I’m just not strong enough for that yet.