Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 70429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Axel looked down at the table, and Legend’s complexion depended. Neither interrupted him. Neither said a word.
“Most teachers would’ve stayed away from a conversation like that. It’s frowned upon. Talkin’ about religion with children. Their mama takin’ her own life. But Mrs. Florence put the ball back in my court and told me that my perceptions of God are based on another man’s perceptions of God. I’d never thought about it like that. God ain’t responsible for how He’s portrayed, written about, and assumed to be. Men wrote that book.
“Regardless of it bein’ the word of God or not, that’s arguable, too, but one thing is fact: they still sat down and wrote it, and that stuck with me. Maybe I don’t know if God exists ’cause I was taught wrong about Him. Maybe He isn’t forgivin’. Lovin’. Maybe He believes in revenge, like I do.” A cold sensation traveled through him—familiar and real. It was a comfort to be so detached, yet so plugged in. “That would explain all the fucked-up shit in this world. Aunt Angel believed in God. She went to church often. I stopped going with her when I was thirteen or so. I didn’t see the point.”
“Remember Mr. Givens thought you were a Satanist? Or Goth?” Axel could barely get the words out without laughing.
“I forgot about that shit!” Legend roared. “And I don’t forget shit! He really thought you was sittin’ around drinkin’ blood outta skulls ’nd shit.”
Caspian shook his head. “That’s just because I kept to myself and was wearing a lotta black and dark clothes. Then didn’t it come out later that he was sexually harassing one of the other teachers?”
“Oh, yeah!” Axel nodded. “It’s always the ones pointing fingers at others, right?”
“Right. Anyway, my battle with God goes way back. Aunt Angel believed in God like I said, attended church, but her faith didn’t take her cancer away, now did it?”
“I can understand why you’d say that, but I don’t think that’s how this works, Caspian. I’m not a scriptural expert, but I think it—”
“How’s it work then, Axel? School me, please! I have a 163 I.Q. I was tested because, you guessed it, Mrs. Florence who wanted me in the exceptional student’s program. In fact, she tried to get all the smart kids some intervention—that’s how the three of us got closer. We were all targeted by her ’cause she said we’d had some bad breaks in life, but were some of the smartest kids she ever had.”
Legend nodded in agreement.
“…She did say that to me, too.”
“Axel, something is amiss with this Bible stuff. I believe in miracles sometimes ’cause sure as my name is Caspian, a fuckin’ ghost is talkin’ to us in our dreams—but this religion mess? No, sir! Nobody knows how this shit works, and that’s the whole problem. I’m not some idiot, so if I personally am not understanding something, then you can’t tell me the rest of these fools in this country get it and I just happen to be the exception. If something is good for us, meant to be, why in the fuck is it so hard to explain?! IT SHOULDN’T BE! There are so many contradictions in the Bible, too, things that just don’t make a lick of sense, and now, my God fearin’ auntie is gone with nothin’ to show for it! I want to believe, but I can’t!”
He appreciated the quiet that ensued. Over the years, silence had become his friend.
“She loved the Lord…” he said in a hushed tone as he hung his head. “She wanted to always be around for Noah. Now she can’t be.”
“I spoke to him at her funeral. You know we’ll help look after him when you go back to Georgia,” Axel offered. “He’s in good hands.” Axel had a twinkle in his eye, as if he knew something Caspian didn’t.
“Noah can take care of himself. He’s a grown man and he can read and write just fine, as well as pay bills, do what he needs to do, but y’all know he needs a little help here and there. My cousin is too trusting, so that could be a problem.” They nodded in understanding. “Maybe God picks and chooses who He loves, fellas.” Caspian crossed his arms, his thoughts morphing and growing.
He was sitting on a powder keg of aggravation. Something was stirring him up, right under the surface. “I think God decided he didn’t care for me at all. He didn’t care for you either, Axel, lettin’ you put up with all sorts of craziness from your father ’nd such, and then all that business with those drug dealers tryna kill you. He didn’t care for you either, Legend…” The man’s lips tightened and his eyes hooded. “Most folks woulda been in some nut house after enduring what you’ve gone through. Since I’ve come to this conclusion that I’m not one of His favorite children, nor are my brothers, my mama, my aunt, and even Mrs. Florence, I’ve wrestled with this notion of God bein’ real again.”